What is cowardice and how to deal with it? Fear is not a sin, but cowardice is a vice How to get rid of cowardice and fear.

I'm a coward. I'm afraid of everything: to return home in the evening through the yards, to pass by noisy companies, to talk to the girl I like - life in general. You can't take care of yourself or your loved ones. I can't hit a person, even if I need to defend myself. They tell me I'm a rag. Nobody takes me seriously. How to survive in this world? How to get rid of cowardice?

At the training of Yuri Burlan "Systemic Vector Psychology" you can find a way out of this situation.

I'm not a coward, but I'm afraid, or what is the difference between fear and cowardice

Why do some cope with fears, while others do not? One can walk the tightrope between the skyscrapers, while the other cannot cross the dark courtyard from the bus stop to the house. What is it connected with? It seems that those who are not afraid to walk the tightrope were born without fear. And for those who are afraid to pass by the company on the bench, courage was not inherited.

In fact, courage or cowardice is a manifestation of our properties, which depends on the psychological state. And if before system-vector psychology it was not possible to accurately determine how the human psyche works and how one person differs from another, now it has become possible.

To varying degrees and for various reasons, fear can be experienced by everyone without exception. The one who manages to cope with his fear or even forget about it, manifests himself as a courageous or fearless person. In contrast, those who have little or no control over their fear show cowardice.

The concept of a vector, which is used in system-vector psychology, implies a set of innate properties, desires and values of a person. There are eight such vectors in total, a modern urban person usually has from three to five vectors. Different combinations of vectors and the level of their development explain why people behave differently in the same situations.

It happens that such men live with their mother, because they have a very strong emotional connection with her. Since childhood, obedient, "golden" boys, they can grow into "mama's sons" if their mother constantly pedals praise, literally forming a dependence on her opinion. A close relationship with his mother does not allow an already adult man to break away from her, create relationships, realize his need for a family, love and children, have his own opinion, live his life.

Awareness of their properties and values helps to realize them. And then the fears and insecurities go away. And an anal-visual man can discover in himself other ways to solve problems: not to fight, but to negotiate.

By the way, Yuri Burlan at the training "Systemic Vector Psychology" does not recommend sending children to martial arts schools so that they can stand up for themselves, because in this way they will not learn to defend themselves in another way. It often happens that a person who owns the techniques of some kind of struggle solves problems exclusively by force, without connecting his other properties. That is, possession of techniques is not an indicator of courage. This issue is covered more widely.

Where is the way out, or How to get rid of cowardice

The first step should be a proper understanding of yourself. At the training "System-Vector Psychology" this can and should be done by yourself. Being aware of our core fears helps us understand where they come from and how they are related to situations where we show cowardice.

The next step after realizing your nature is the correct realization of the potential of your psyche in socially useful activities, during which fear is transformed into empathy, sympathy and love for people. For the owner of the skin-visual ligament, these are, for example, the professions of a seller in a women's store, an administrator in a beauty salon, an actor, a manager. All these are necessary professions that do not require large muscle mass or the ability to swing fists at all. To go on stage, even if it is an amateur theater, is already an act of no coward at all. And from well-groomed and gallant sellers in women's clothing or cosmetics stores, the customers are simply delighted!

The implementation for the anal-visual ligament is an archaeologist, historian, art critic, tailor, jeweler, artist, designer, teacher. A thorough knowledge of the subject, inexhaustible patience, attention to detail, the ability to teach others - all this is necessary and in demand in modern life.

Brute physical strength in such activities is not needed and even interferes. And what is needed is the ability to see the beautiful, respect for the experience of ancestors and traditions, the creation of emotional ties, simple human sympathy, sensitivity to the needs of others, love and compassion. This is so contrary to the imposed false attitudes - that you need to stand up for yourself, fight and prove something with your fists, and not try to understand and come to an agreement. Without destruction and aggression. After all, the Stone Age is long gone.

At the visual lesson of the training, the problems of such men are worked out in great detail, and they are completely.

The changed internal state ceases to attract aggression by the state of fear. It's like with a dog - if you're not really afraid, she doesn't think to attack. A similar mechanism works in humans. When a visual person reveals his nature, correctly realizes his properties, he does not experience fear, which means he does not get into dangerous situations.

“I got rid of a huge fear that prevented me from living ... I was just terribly afraid of dogs, no matter how big or small, and over the years this fear intensified ... After the visual lesson of the first level, I thought a lot about fears. And one day I noticed that I was riding in an elevator with a large German shepherd. And no fear. Previously, it was out of the question that I went into the same elevator with a dog. Everything went unnoticed, of course ... "

“I had a lot of fears. One of the strongest was the fear of people - social phobia. The presence of this ever-increasing fear throughout my life greatly complicated my life, significantly limiting my development, my social circle, and preventing the establishment of any new social contacts, which I always tried to avoid.

Now, after almost two years, I don’t feel that former horror of people, I can calmly go out, use public transport, talk on the phone and do many other things without wasting time and effort on thinking and overcoming my fear ... "

How to feel psychological comfort, consistency? How to get rid of cowardice? Realize yourself, realize yourself, take your place in life. And for this, come to start at.

Proofreader: Natalia Konovalova

The article was written based on the materials of the training " System-Vector Psychology»

Man is the crown of the creation of nature. If we dream of something, it will definitely come true. Problems, obstacles, all kinds of challenges that life throws - all this is nothing. Compared to man's greatest enemy: himself.

We can be our own best friends and worst enemies. Confidence and courage are indispensable conditions in order not to act like an opponent of one's own undertakings. Everyone has fears. But the difficulties begin the moment we allow them to control us. How to stop being a coward and get your fears under control? Let's look at the main methods.

Notice your fears. Everything starts with awareness. Think about what is stopping you from being happy? In fact, this process already helps to get rid of fears. After all, despite their seeming insurmountability, no fears are concrete walls - they are much less powerful than one might think ...
Accept the fact that you are afraid of certain things.. Many people know that they, for example, suffer from social phobia or fear of open spaces. But at the same time, they are tormented by a deep intrapersonal conflict - they cannot accept themselves as they are. And this resistance gives fear only more power. Denial means flight, not fight, as it may seem. Only when you accept yourself with all the shortcomings that you have, will there be a real chance to work on them.
Make decisions quickly. No need to think for two hours about what to buy for dinner. One of the best ways to face fear is to not dwell on the choice. You need to make decisions quickly, since you cannot become a courageous and self-confident person by half a day thinking about each of your next steps. We think that every decision is very important. And because of this, we begin to be afraid of making any decisions.
However, if you prefer option "A" to option "B", in fact, nothing catastrophic will happen. There will be no consequences, no one will care. So start developing the habit of quick decision making right now. This frees up a huge amount of energy that is wasted on hesitation and uncertainty.
Stop apologizing to everyone. Chances are, you think you always have a good enough reason to apologize. However, we give you a guarantee that this is not the case. You most likely apologize to others or feel like you would like to do it almost all the time without even knowing it.
Therefore, try not to say the word “sorry” during the day. At all. Trust me, it's harder than it looks.
Track those moments when you would like to apologize automatically, for no apparent reason. It turns out that most of the "offensive" things you do are actually not offensive at all. Also, using this method, you can discover for yourself what you yourself perceive as an insult to actions and things that are far from being such. It will also help in the fight against cowardice.
In an unpleasant situation for yourself, make a plan of action in advance. It will give you back control over the things that cause you the most anxiety. For example, think ahead about how you plan to give up overtime. Imagine the reaction of your superiors or colleagues. Think ahead of your arguments. The usual development of such a plan already contributes significantly to reducing the feeling of fear and helplessness.
Ask yourself about everything you do at any given time. We are all made up of many habits, but not many of us understand the extent to which these deeply rooted stereotypes govern our lives. They are especially strong when it comes to the choice of "fight or flight." Therefore, when you feel fear, ask yourself the question: “Why am I afraid?”. Do it out loud. In 99% of the cases, you will find that the fear is irrational.
Try practicing these questions in other situations throughout the day. Whatever you do, ask yourself: “Why am I doing this?”. These questions can be quite annoying at first. However, they are able to reveal a lot of new information about you. For example, you may find yourself prone to procrastination (which, by the way, is also often the result of fear), or become aware of the choices that you usually make without thinking.
How to stop being a coward in personal endeavors? Be boring as hell. Let's explain. If you would like to write a book, or start a charity for starving children, or just start a small business, chances are you are concerned about doing everything perfectly. You make a plan, consult with experts, develop a strategy. What happens next? You don't do anything. And the reason for that is fear. Indeed, in the imagination, all this gives much more pleasure than in reality, where all the responsibility falls on you.
For example, you want to be a doctor. To become one, you go to medical school, get a job and treat patients. All. But if you want to open your own clinic, then a lot of daunting questions immediately arise in your head. What will my clinic specialize in? Will I find enough patients? What about doctors? Will they be able to perform their duties at the highest level? The difference between these two examples is that the ordinary doctor concentrates on his immediate duties - the treatment of patients. While a person who wants to open his own company thinks about things, half of which exist only in his head.
If you belong to the second category, stop being afraid and do the most routine and everyday work. So you bring the fulfillment of your dreams closer and get rid of unnecessary fear of undertakings.

All of these recommendations are working for one reason - they help not to avoid fears, but to confront them. By implementing these strategies into your daily life, you learn nothing more than to live with fear - which in itself is one of the most courageous things in life.

If you admit to yourself that you are a coward, this is already a big part of your future victory. But in order to completely remove cowardice, overcome fear and stop being a coward, you need to invest some effort, understanding alone will not be enough.

This article is a continuation of the topic, be sure to read it before you start working on yourself. In addition, so that you clearly understand what you will have to work with, check out a couple of more articles:

How to get rid of Cowardice? Algorithm

I must say right away that you will work directly with fear according to the relevant articles, which I cite below, and in this article we will dwell in more detail on the correct mood of our mind, ours and fortitude.

The work will consist of two parts:

Learn to overcome and control your fear. In fact, stop being afraid of your fear and become its master, begin to subordinate it to yourself, your will, your spirit.
And after that, you can remove the fear itself, work directly with its causes.

Algorithm and practical steps:

1. It's always motivation. Create a motivation that will give you the strength and energy to go through this work on yourself to the end, to victory. I remind you that we always work with motivation in writing:

Write in detail a list of at least 30 points - what troubles await you and what you will lose if you remain a slave of your fear, a coward in life. You must clearly and clearly realize all the negative consequences of your weakness and very much want to get rid of it.
Write down at least 30 reasons and reasons that are most important for you - what you will gain, what you will get rid of, who you can become, how your life will change if you become brave, get rid of cowardice and learn to overcome your fear.

This is a very important task that must be completed first. For more information on how to motivate yourself -.

2. You must fully believe that you can get rid of cowardice, stop scourging and destroying yourself because of this lack. To do this, I bring you a combined text from the book "47 principles of the ancient Samurai or the code of the leader." This is your attitude, read it completely and more than once:

The code of honor of the Samurai. How cowardice is conquered

Some calculations from the texts of the Ancient Samurai, on the basis of which the top leaders of Japan have been trained for 700 years.

“It is important to realize that the one from whom not even a name remained and the one who became famous through the ages fell, having experienced the same pain when their heads were cut off by the enemy. But if death is imminent, it must be the task of the leader to die in an act of great valor, capable of striking both comrades and enemies.

How different this is from the fate of the coward, who is the last to fight and the first to flee. During the attack on the fortress, he is shielded by his comrades, like a shield from the enemy. Struck, he falls and takes the death of a dog, and his comrades walk over his body. This is the greatest shame and should never be forgotten.

The main principle of the leader: right and wrong

If the Warrior knows how to achieve the first and avoid the second, then he will choose the unmistakable path of the leader. Understanding the essence of the phenomenon, we will see that everything comes down to cowardice.

As an example, consider an ancient battle. One who is born brave will see nothing special in fighting under a hail of arrows and bullets. Devoted to loyalty and duty, he will expose his chest to the fire of the enemy and set on the enemy, showing in his magnificent prowess an indescribably wonderful example. There is also one whose knees tremble and heart trembles, but he wonders: how can he act with dignity in the midst of all dangers? And he continues to participate in the battle, because he is ashamed to be the only one who hesitates in the face of his comrades. Thus he strengthens his resolve, and he will attack the enemy along with those who are brave by nature. And although at first he is weaker than a brave man, but after some repetitions of such an experience, he gets used to and begins to follow the example of the born brave, in exploits he grows into a Warrior, not inferior to the one who was born fearless from the very beginning.

So, in order to do right, and in order to acquire valor, there is no other way than that which goes through a sense of shame and a clear conscience.

And when the time of our physical dying comes, it will seem that only a moment has passed after reading these words. And by what code will we live in the next brief moments?

I hope this text inspires you as much as it did me :)

Therefore, the second thing to do is to set a goal for yourself to learn how to overcome your fear., turn to face him, go, step on him. This is a constant training in which your courage and fearlessness grows, and your cowardice melts before your eyes. Start doing what you are afraid of, but not from the biggest fear, and let you have the first positive experience in overcoming your fear, and in gaining initial control over it, so that you feel and believe - “Yes, I can do it!”

3. The next step is to learn to deal directly with fears and their causes. Therefore, I suggest that you study the following articles and work out the appropriate recommendations in them:

All this will help if you apply it practically.

5. What else will help you learn to overcome your fear, remove cowardice, become a brave and fearless person:

Martial arts or related sports.
Attending special classes and trainings for Personal growth.
Special books such as “Two Lives”, “47 Principles of the Ancient Samurai…”etc.

6. Individual help. Of course, there are cases when fear is so animal and cowardice is so strong that a person does not understand at all and is in no way able to cope with this problem. In this case, the best option is to work individually with the appropriate specialist, either with a Mentor Coach or with. This helps to quickly find the root causes of such embarrassment, the underlying causes of fears and remove them with the help of special techniques.

For more information on what Spiritual Healing is -.

If you would like to work with one of our professionals individually - .

You know, dear reader ... I realized that it is much easier to admit to cowardice before a fight than to speak frankly about another kind of weakness. You may not even understand now what it is about - and then I am very happy for you. But perhaps this kind of cowardice is familiar to you firsthand - then we will have something to talk about.

During the Great Patriotic War, our country suffered terrible losses among the male population. And not only quantitative, but also qualitative. Cowards and scum found an opportunity to sit out in the rear - and real men without hesitation went to the front, into the very heat. And they often die...

So after the war, the lack of male education among the growing boys was clearly manifested. And besides, mothers, seeing how thinned the ranks of men, instinctively surrounded their boys with increased care. As a result, the first generation of people grew up, about whom women began to say with a sigh: “The man today has gone completely wrong ...”

And there is nothing surprising in this. It is natural for a woman to protect her child from worries and worries; she is ready to forgive him for any offense. And after the war, all these qualities showed themselves with a vengeance ...

The poet I. Shklyarevsky wrote lines poignant in their brevity:

- Go to sleep! mother said.
- Get up! - said the father.
- Eat! mother said.
- Learn! - said the father.

I'll come, - the words are all the same.
Yes, but not all words.
It remains: - Sleep, eat ...
And then the grass rustles.

The boys of the post-war years grew up in an atmosphere of increased care and reduced demands. Is it any wonder that, having become dads, they could not pass on to their children a model of real masculinity? One of the criteria of which is the feeling responsibility for your loved ones.

To be honest, men didn’t really shine with this quality before. But by the end of the 20th century, the problem became exacerbated. This was especially clearly demonstrated by the transition to the market, which began in the 1990s. Hundreds of thousands of men, having lost their jobs, fell into depression and fell on the sofa. And their wives began to spin - harnessed to the strap of the "shuttles", went to revenge the yards and wash the stairwells - just to feed the children ...

The fact that a family man rarely tries to deal with ruinous drunkenness is a fact. It is a fact that after a divorce, fathers rarely fight for the right to see children. The fact that many dads leave the family where a sick child is born is a shameful fact.

It's both embarrassing and scary to admit that I'm one of those men. No, I didn't leave my daughter after the divorce. But how often I feel like a small child who is afraid of the burden of responsibility! I, like many children of my generation, did not know a male upbringing; was surrounded by maternal care and affection - and now I'm almost 40 years old, and I still feel like a confused boy under this huge sky!

Sometimes cowardly thoughts crept into my head: “It would be nice if I didn’t owe anything to anyone ...”. But at the same moment I ask myself with horror: “Do you want fate to take your loved ones?! Why do you want to live after this?

And I understand that without my loved ones my life is empty.

Russian men, like no one else, need to pay attention to their level of responsibility. I know that we are not accustomed to overcome difficulties and persevere towards the goal. But you have to go - otherwise, by old age, life will put up a cruel bill with the number of years spent in vain ...

I know that the future scares us. But there is no need to be afraid of it - because it is, by definition, unpredictable. “The road will submit to the walking one” - these words were spoken by our ancestors, among whom were real men. Their blood still flows in our veins. We are the grandchildren of the winners. And our task is to overcome our fear of responsibility. After all, our grandfathers did something more - they defeated the fear of death so that we could have life.

A cowardly friend is more terrible than an enemy, because you fear the enemy, but you hope for a friend.

L. Tolstoy

Ernest Renan

There are such forms of human behavior that have always been inherent in a certain part of people and from which, with all the desire, it is impossible to refuse without disfiguring the very nature of man. We can refer to one of these forms cowardice, which is inherent in one way or another in all healthy people, but in some of them it can stand out especially strongly and therefore cause a negative attitude towards themselves. Of course, cowardice is an ugly form of behavior and often harmful to the one who displays it. It is believed that being a coward is bad, because such a person is overcome by fear, which either pushes him to stupid acts, or vice versa, fetters his actions. But in this article I will not be so categorical in relation to this kind of mental weakness, but I will look at it more broadly in order to see in it and show you its positive and even useful sides. It is this approach to this form of behavior and state of mind that has allowed and allows me to help people who turn to me for help with this problem. Hopefully this article will also help someone who needs it to rethink their cowardice so they can use it to their advantage when it's impossible to get a little bolder.

What is cowardice?

Briefly about what cowardice is. Cowardice is the inability to cope with your fear, the inability to step over it when necessary. Or else you can say that this is the inability to respond competently to fear. Suppose there is some situation when you can and should act in a certain way in order to solve a problem, a task and avoid something or get something, but a person acts differently or does not act at all, because of his cowardice. That is, in fact, he behaves not quite adequately to the circumstances and therefore deprives himself of certain opportunities or does not solve important problems, thereby only exacerbating them. But, it should also be noted that in some situations, cowardly behavior can help a person avoid unnecessary troubles and dangers, it saves him from unnecessary problems. Below I will explain which situations I am talking about.

Attitude towards cowardice

First of all, let's say that cowardice in our society is unreasonably despised, condemned and presented solely as weakness. This, I will tell you, is not entirely objective, from the point of view of nature, the position of people in relation to this form of human behavior, it is more cultural, because we are taught from childhood that it is bad to be a coward. Of course, cowardly people most often do not get along very well in life, so it is difficult to see any positive aspects in their attitude towards it. However, a coward is not necessarily a weak person who never achieves anything because of his cowardly behavior. He can use this model of behavior to avoid various threats, run away from dangers, difficulties, problems, instead of fighting them, for the sake of his survival and well-being. He can even defend his interests in this way. Here you just need to remember that a coward is driven by fear, and this is a very powerful stimulus, and if you connect your head to it, you can come up with a lot of profitable combinations as an answer to the various challenges that life and other people throw at us. Where the brave can act recklessly, the cowardly person will exercise caution and prudence, and will not expose himself to undue risk. So in some situations, cowardly behavior helps, and in some situations it hinders. The main thing is not just to be afraid of something and, as a result, succumb to the influence of emotions, but to sort out various combinations of your actions in response to what causes fear - this is what it is important to be able to do for cowardly people. If you are afraid to climb a mountain - bypass it. You do not have to overcome fear - it is important for you to achieve the desired result.

And the negative attitude towards cowardice is explained by the fact that people do not like those who do not take responsibility for solving some problems on themselves, who do not risk their interests, health and even life in the fight against various threats, which means that this will have to be done. them, these people. But you don't want to. You want someone else to be a hero in dangerous and difficult situations, and you just benefit from it. Therefore, bold, but dangerous, risky behavior is approved, and more prudent and cautious behavior, perceived as cowardly, is condemned. This is an unconscious moment in most cases in relation to cowardice, it is associated with the selfish interests of a person who wants someone else to solve various problems for him and sacrifice something. For example, if you throw yourself under a tank with a bunch of grenades - you are a hero, a brave person, you, or rather your behavior, are praised. Why? Because you did it, you sacrificed your life for other people, so they don't have to do it - give up their lives. But the coward will not do this - he will save himself. So someone else will have to do it for him - to sacrifice his life for the sake of others. Naturally, no one wants to do this, so cowardly people are put in a negative light. Such are, so to speak, selfish interests we have at stake, in the issue of condemnation of cowardice. It's all about our selfishness.

You may ask how people can praise courage in others for their own selfish interests without realizing it, when almost everyone wants to be seen as a brave, strong, courageous person. Here, friends, we must distinguish between people's desire to look bold, strong, courageous and their ability to be so. Of course, there are and always have been people who act boldly, riskily, show courage and courage and for this they receive a certain reward, and with it recognition and respect from other people. But courage does not always lead a person to victories, much more often cunning leads to it. Not courage, I think, but the cunning of the city takes. And then, when a person comes to a certain success, achieves something, he begins to compose beautiful legends about himself, exposing himself in the most favorable light. This is often done by cowards who, with the help of cunning and deceit, were able to succeed in something, to come to something, for example, to power. Or a person can present himself as a hero, in fact, not being one, but since it is not possible to prove the opposite, he can tell a lot of good things about himself. For example, while some of them threw themselves under bullets and tanks, others sat in headquarters, lay in hospitals, and then, when everything calmed down, they began to poison stories about how brave and courageous they were and how many heroic deeds they performed. It is not truth that plays an important role here, but eloquence and the ability to lie coherently. So, wanting to be brave and courageous and being one are completely different things. And that's why most people want to look brave, but let others carry the chestnuts from the fire.

There is another reason for the negative attitude of people towards cowardice - this is their own cowardice, which prevents them from defending their interests. Indeed, in other people we often despise what we hate in ourselves. And our own weakness is especially unpleasant for us, we feel a genetic disgust for it. Although, those other people may not worry at all because of the problems that interfere with us and that we see in him. Roughly speaking, if you are a coward and you feel bad because of this, then this does not mean at all that another coward is as bad as you. He can be happy with everything and he does not want to become bolder at all, he has already learned how to solve his problems well. You can despise him, seeing your reflection in him, but this will be exclusively your position, your vision of another person.

There is nothing to say about beliefs that may not have real confirmations in life. A person can be convinced of anything, this is his weakness and strength. If you have been taught from childhood that being a coward is bad, then you need to look in her, in cowardice, for something good, useful, necessary, as I do in this article, in order to form your own attitude towards her. Then the understanding may come that, yes, being a coward is bad, in some situations. But there are also situations when it is necessary or necessary to be a coward. After all, for example, if you are accused of cowardice because you do not want to jump off the bridge into the river, although others have done it, and you don’t even know how to swim, then honestly, you’d better admit your cowardice than try it. refute, deciding to do what you are called to. Such courage is useless to you. Remember how I once did this - in this life there are effective and ineffective behavior, one leads to victories and success, the other to defeats and failures. And whether it is brave or cowardly, right or wrong, good or bad, from someone's point of view, these are less significant factors for its assessment.

Courage and cowardice

The above, of course, does not mean that cowardice is useful and necessary, and that it should be put up with without trying to become more courageous. It’s just that here you need to understand, those who suffer because of it, that you can achieve your goals with it. And when people come to me with such a problem, when they complain about their cowardly behavior that prevents them from living a normal life, I always look at their capabilities, at their life experience, at their strengths and weaknesses, before offering them various solutions to this problem. Not all people can just go ahead and become bold and courageous, even gradually and even with good mentoring and due diligence. I would even say that many people cannot do this. Therefore, some need to learn to behave more boldly in some situations, others in others, and it is completely more convenient for others to adapt their cowardice to their desires and needs, so that, as mentioned above, to look for various options for achieving their goals without fighting their cowardice, but using it as motivation and bypassing sharp corners with it.

For example, some people cannot behave boldly in conflict situations and, given their mental capabilities, they should not do this so as not to aggravate their situation. Because their nature does not allow them to be what they should ideally be in conflicts. They will not be able to play a role that is unnatural for them for a long time, they will not be able to return blow for blow. Therefore, in order not to break themselves and not waste a lot of time on mastering the role of a brave, arrogant, strong, and when necessary, an aggressive person, which is not suitable for them, it is easier for them to resort to all sorts of tricks and use them to achieve their goals. Therefore, I never aspired to make everyone I helped to cope with cowardice, so to speak, cool, because everyone cannot be cool. But everyone can become more productive, successful, practical. And if you, being a coward, nevertheless achieve your goals, then why should you worry about it, just do what you can do and get a certain reward for it. The main thing is not to become limp, not to be inactive. Cowardice must be supplemented with flexibility of the mind so as not to lose because of it.

Of course, in the long run, any person can be changed beyond recognition by working with him competently, persistently, individually. But we must understand that under the long term, we can consider a very long time. Therefore, it is much wiser to learn to make do with what you already have in the first place, even if it is an unsightly cowardice that makes you afraid of everything.

And if we talk about courage, then, undoubtedly, it more often benefits the one who shows it, compared with cowardice. But we must understand that courage and cowardice are different sides of the same coin. Being bold always and everywhere is also bad, you can fly great in those situations in which bold behavior is inappropriate in vain. Therefore, here it is more a matter of a person's assessment of a particular threat, danger, risk, rather than a model of behavior. Just to be brave, without taking into account external factors and your own capabilities, means to be reckless. Thus, it turns out that one extreme forces people to be afraid of everything, and the other, not to be afraid of anything, which can lead to absolutely unjustified risk and the loss of everything and everything. Therefore, to show cowardice or courage and at the same time benefit from one or another of his decisions can be a person who knows how to assess risks, who understands his capabilities and, most importantly, knows how to control his condition, and does not act out of habit. But this is from the point of view of the mind. But in terms of emotions and feelings, which most of us are guided in most cases, human behavior is less controlled and deliberate. In most cases, it is stereotyped, based on habits that have been formed over the years. Therefore, I sometimes see that a person is not really a coward, but considers himself to be such simply because he was once used to behaving the way cowards behave, used to be afraid, although he has nothing to be afraid of, used to retreat, although he may well defend their interests in certain situations. In other words, some people do not understand themselves well enough and therefore have problems with the same cowardice, or with courage if they are reckless.

To better understand why people sometimes make mistakes about themselves, let's talk about what makes people cowardly and how then this state of mind, body and soul becomes habitual for them.

What makes people cowardly?

So, what makes people cowardly and how then to change this behavioral and ideological model of attitude to life, bringing it to a more adequate and effective state? Here, friends, it is necessary to understand that a person always adheres to such a model of behavior, which in most cases allows him to get something or avoid something. To put it simply, a person wants to get pleasure, and avoid pain. And he probes the boundaries of his capabilities, the boundaries of what is permitted, with the help of one or another model of behavior. Usually, initially, this is a selfish model of behavior, the manifestation of which is arrogance, aggression, whims, calling on other people to do whatever the person wants at all costs. And if such impudent, aggressive, assertive behavior allows him to achieve his goals, then, naturally, he will constantly behave like this until something or someone stops him, letting him know that not everything in this life can be obtained. in exactly this way.

And in our case, we are talking about cowardly behavior, to which a person is forced to resort. This is because most of his attempts to display bold, courageous and enterprising behavior ended in failure. Life and other people punished him for his courage, so he was forced to choose a model of behavior that allows him to avoid pain, fight fear and even get something from this world. Cowardice helps the coward survive. Whether it is appropriate or not is another question.

Therefore, if this world somehow broke and suppressed a person, not allowing him to be bold, active, courageous, arrogant, aggressive, then he only has to be a coward who can somehow protect himself from various threats, at least somehow can achieve its modest goals, adjusting to the circumstances. Think, what else can be done in this case, how to adapt to this world, if not with the help of cowardice? If there was a lot of violence, harshness, pain, suffering in a person’s life, because of which he constantly felt fear, if a person does not have an inner core that does not appear on its own, it must be developed, if this person does not have the opportunity to demonstrate courageous behavior, because it will lead him to death or very serious problems, then what courage can you expect from him? Try, for example, to show bold behavior in a situation where all those who disagree are put against the wall and shot, what will you achieve? Heroic death? And who needs it? After all, the main task of a person in this world is to survive, and not to die with his head held high.

Therefore, it all depends on how a person’s life developed, how other people, especially those close to him, treated him, what he was allowed to do and what was limited, whether he experienced violence on himself or not, and so on. Life does not necessarily break cowardly people, it can teach them how to live in certain conditions, when your capabilities are limited, when you cannot fight with certain forces. Here he gave in, then he gave in, he ran away from this, he didn’t get involved with that, here he gave up his interests, just so as not to escalate the situation - this is how a coward behaves. He is not a fighter by nature, because he has not developed the skills of a fighter, his character is not tempered, and he does not have the necessary fighting qualities. More precisely, he possesses the qualities of a fighter, but they are crushed in him. So a person lives the way he knows how, the way he is used to living, preferring flight to fight, and concessions to steadfastness. By nature, he is not a coward, it's just that his life developed in such a way that courage, courage, aggressiveness, he simply will not pull, neither physically nor morally. As a matter of fact, all healthy people, in certain situations, can show cowardice. No one, being of sound mind, can always and everywhere be strong and courageous, this is impossible. Sometimes you have to and even need to be cowardly in order to avoid some extremely negative consequences or to get something, to succeed in something. For example, wanting to move up the career ladder, in the service, a person needs to be able to adapt to a superior, and not conflict with him.

So basically the aggression and cruelty of people makes a person cowardly. Less often, this is affected by diseases, when a person feels his physical and spiritual weakness and therefore prefers not to go on the rampage and not jump above his head, realizing that this will cost him dearly. And suggestions can also make a coward out of a person - this is a kind of brainwashing, when, for example, you can intimidate a person with some kind of horror stories, say, of a religious nature and thus make him afraid of punishment for certain of his actions. So a person can become cowardly, not facing real violence against himself, but only imagining it to himself.

To help a person take a different path - the path of a brave, strong, self-confident person - you need to gradually accustom him to this new model of behavior for him, showing him its practicality, efficiency, efficiency, and most importantly, accessibility for him, so that a person believed that he could pull off a more daring life. But first, if a person lives with fears that suppress him, he must be rid of them. To do this, you need to decompose in chronological order all the stages of the formation of his personality in order to see when and how his current, cowardly behavior model was consolidated and to understand what external factors it became a response to. A lot of things a person may need to rethink in order not to be afraid of what he used to be afraid of, he will need to change his attitude to something so as not to worry and not be nervous, but for something, for some fears, he better answers will need to be found.

For example, a cowardly person may avoid making bold decisions in situations that actually do not threaten him with anything, and therefore the courage and determination shown in them is a nut that is tough for him at this particular moment. But he does not understand this, so he prefers to stick to his usual behavior, that is, cowardly, timid and in this particular case absolutely meaningless, because he is a chronic coward who sees danger even in his own shadow. In order to understand what possibilities he has, what determination he can show and, thanks to bold actions, go beyond habitual behavior, a person needs someone from outside who will push him to decisive action, who, if necessary, will make him be bold at the right time. And when, thanks to this outside help, he takes the necessary actions and sees that nothing terrible happened, but on the contrary, everything turned out very well for him - he won, achieved success, due to the courage shown, then this will be his first step on a new path. - the way of a brave man. Having taken several such steps, necessarily successful, he will fix a new pattern of behavior in his mind and then he will be able to develop it, showing courage when it is appropriate, when it is in his power.

There is another important point in this matter. Some people may be afraid of what they do all the time, only under duress, when someone forces them to step over their fear and commit a bold, courageous act. That is, they are courageous only when there is another person next to them, usually strong, courageous, self-confident, intelligent, who supports and guides them, or simply makes them do something. As a result, they are brave not on their own, but because of someone. It is also necessary to get rid of such dependence, otherwise cowardice cannot be completely overcome. Therefore, it is necessary to ensure that a person is courageous on his own initiative, putting him before a choice: show courage or chicken out in a certain situation. Of course, these specific situations must be such that a person is able to act boldly and independently in them, without needing outside help and support. Then he will become more independent in this matter.

Such a choice, it should be noted, life constantly puts before each of us. But the situations in which it spontaneously arises do not always allow us to make bold decisions and perform strong actions in order to consolidate the appropriate model of behavior. That is why some people get such life experience that allows them to be bold, courageous, enterprising and self-confident, while others are forced to become cowards and act from the position of a weak person. Try, friends, to show courage more often, determining for this situation in which it is appropriate and necessary. It is more useful than cowardice. Courageous people achieve more in this life than cowardly ones. But do not forget that being a coward is also useful when the fear that forces you to give in and retreat signals a really serious danger that is exactly how you need to react.