The man lost interest, what to do? What to do if the girl does not reciprocate The man does not let go but does not reciprocate.
1. Don't say anything. Pull the cat by the tail.
A man who is so defenseless that it seems that they took off all his clothes and pushed him out into the street in this form. Blood is knocking in the ears, the palms are getting cold, if someone confessed his love first, then of course he remembers these feelings forever. Those seconds while you are waiting for an answer seem endless and there is not enough strength to hear at least something in response. Most often, if there is no mutual feeling, then they say “Thank you” to the recognition “I love you”. A little less often - "I am not worthy of you" and almost never "I do not love you." The rules of good manners do not allow us to break the heart of a person in love with us immediately, we will give him an illusory hope, pull the cat by the tail and cut this tail with wire cutters, slowly and painfully making it clear that there is no reciprocal love. Sometimes this process drags on for years, and then an unrequited lover becomes a chronically ill lover. Needless to say, without dotting all the “and” immediately, we practically destroy the life of a person in love with us. Then strong hatred will surely replace love, and instead of a lover, we may get the most merciless enemy. Human relations are very difficult, it is such a delicate matter where there is no place for omissions.2. Tell the truth in the eye.
Uncertainty and uncertainty exhaust a person so much that it is better to hear the truth, no matter how bitter it may be. But to say to a person in love directly in the eyes “I don’t love you”, what kind of strong character and courage do you need to have?! On the one hand, such a statement, if it also has a ruthless and derogatory intonation, can lead to a real tragedy. After all, it is at the moment that even the strongest person becomes helpless like a child.On the other hand, if you gather all your strength and tactfully convey to your opponent that reciprocity is not worth waiting for, this will be the best and right decision. At the same time, it should be understood that the one whom you reject at this moment, the whole world is collapsing. The first reaction, even with the most tactful treatment, is usually: “Why is this happening to me? and "Why am I not worthy of love?" The next step will most likely be: “I will prove that I am worthy. Find out what you've lost."
Psychologists are sure that the more holistic and healthy a person is, the easier it is to survive rejection, to understand that this is just a failed meeting of two hearts, to prepare yourself for a new stage in your life, in which there is no longer room for illusions and dreams, but there is a real opportunity to meet mutual love. .
But the lover feels everything so acutely that even the most tactful explanation of dislike leads him to despair and can push him to the most irrational acts. Therefore, having decided to dot all the “and”, be prepared for a surge of the most violent emotions from your opponent. Try to choose the right words, place and time so as not to hurt the feelings of a person in love with you so deeply. But remember that it is your right not to reciprocate. Don't feel guilty about the other person suffering because of unrequited love.
3. “I don't love you. What more.
Sometimes saying the words "I don't love you" in the eyes of a person who loves you can be so difficult that it is preferable to write a letter. It is easier to explain everything in it, without fear that the unfortunate lover will not let you insert a word, bringing down a flurry of tears, accusations or threats. Naturally, this should not be an SMS message, you should not use email or instant messengers. It is better to entrust your feelings (or rather their absence in our case) and thoughts, in the old fashioned way, to paper. Recall the classics, Tatyana Larina confessed her love to Onegin by writing a letter. In response, she also receives a letter from him, containing many reasons why they were not destined to be together, but the main motive is the lack of love:
Dreams and years have no return;
I won't renew my soul...
I love you brother love
And maybe even softer.
The love of a brother is not at all what the pure soul of a girl in love craves. Eugene's letter breaks her heart. However, later Tatyana still says:
I do not blame: in that terrible hour
You have acted nobly.
You were right before me:
I am grateful with all my heart.
4. Stay friends.
Wanting to smooth the impression of the refusal of reciprocity, some offer with a fan or admirer during the explanation. For me, this proposal looks strange, I sincerely do not understand how you can see and be friends with someone who, although unwittingly, has caused great suffering and the collapse of hopes. But they say that such friendship is possible. If the explanation was tactful and restrained, you have common friends and interests, then with the passage of time, when the passions subside, you can maintain good friendly relations. Although psychologists say that if you were able to remain friends, then you either never loved, or continue to love until now.
5. "We choose, we are chosen, as it often does not coincide."
But it turns out that, in addition to the fact that we can refuse love to someone, we ourselves can meet the same refusal at some point. The feeling that has come over us may well remain unanswered. What to do when, on confession, we ourselves will hear: “I don’t love you”? Psychologists advise to remember that the oppressive feeling of uselessness, rejection and emptiness that inevitably arises after such an explanation can develop into. To prevent this from happening, try to understand that you cannot make anyone fall in love by force, you should not turn into hell the life of both the person who refused you and your own. In fact, every second person is faced with a situation where love is not “for two”. If even the mention of a loved one hurts, try to remove correspondence with him, his photos or gifts from your field of vision, do not go to places associated with painful associations. Don't be alone, meet friends, take up hobbies, go on a trip. And remember that new horizons, new meetings are open before you. And who will definitely say in response to your confession: "I love you too."
Sometimes guys do not respond to girls' hints, and this fact annoys the latter a little. They begin to think about what prompted the guy to refuse such a gorgeous girl.
And often you want to know the answer to this question not only for the sake of future relationships, but just for the sake of interest.
And in order not to terrorize the bright minds of our girls, I have collected here the main reasons that guys are guided by when responding to female hints. I will say right away that sometimes the guy’s logic defies analysis, but this is not such a frequent case. And so let's get started:
The girl is too intrusive. It is believed that the sweetest fruit is forbidden. If she herself runs after him, then why is she needed? Let it be the very best, but this phenomenon has a place to be. A man is a getter, not a gatherer. The solution to this problem - the girl needs to become inaccessible. The guy will not lead, so he does not need such a girl.
The girl is terrible. Each guy has his own ideal girl, and if the girl does not fit this image, then you need to make a titanic effort, or just forget about this guy. You should not be offended, because every guy likes a different kind of girls, and if this guy does not like you, then the other one will like you. Everything is simple.
The girl is acting too vulgar. This is where the guy needs to see who is in front of him. If a girl lives a very active sex life, then a normal guy, of course, will not lead. However, it happens that the girl is normal, it's just the behavior. In this case, the young man needs to find out about the girl from mutual friends. Maybe it's the "ugly duckling". That is, the girl is much better than she behaves. To teach such etiquette, to limit in expressions and there will be happiness.
The girl is not a girl at all. Boy girl. What are hairpins does not know at all. He always wears pants and a sweatshirt. However, she may have a good figure. But she doesn't know how to take care of herself. At the same time, no coquetry and femininity. Cursing, fighting. She will also take the phone and the money. Such girls usually go either to real boys or to men over 30 who have the means and opportunities to transform such a girl and be sure that she will stay with them.
The girl just doesn't like it. The guy likes green eyes, and she has brown. Let her be Miss World. Well, he doesn't like it. There is hope for a girl only if the guy does not find what he wants and just accepts. This is the case when a relationship needs a sign from above, which will show the guy that this particular girl is the one, and all his “ideals” are just a mistake.
The girl has other life views. The simplest and most striking example: he thinks with his head, and she thinks in a different place ... Or she wants to do nothing and travel the world, and the guy believes that home, family, work are the three main components of a good life.
A girl from a different social class. Sometimes this can put a guy psychological restrictions. She is rich and he is poor. And not always a guy wants to bend to the standards of this girl, to receive handouts and sidelong glances from the girl's friends. Many will prefer a girl of their level to go along rather than being dragged along.
The guy has some personal problems and now it’s just not up to the girl. When there is a problem with parents at home or there are financial difficulties. That man will solve these problems, and not run around girls and play love. When he solves the problems, then you can think about relationships.
The young man just slows down. It's amazing, but many solid, successful and cool guys do not know how to build relationships with girls. It is for this reason that sometimes you can see a handsome guy with an ordinary girl. And everything is simple, she was not afraid and decided to lead the guy behind her. So if the guy does not understand, then you need to explain better.
And to put it briefly: “We are men, we ourselves know what and when we need it!”
Hello it's again Lesha Dar.
In this article, I will answer the question The man lost interest, what to do?»
By the way, if you want find a loved one
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I will answer you personally.
My personal mail: [email protected] (everything is free)
If worthy, strong a man does not reciprocate you, then there may be several reasons at once!
And now I will list them in descending order of importance!
If a girl completely loses her femininity and chooses the male type of development.
These girls are very arrogant., they always consider themselves right and main in relationships, they never listen to their man and constantly try to argue with him.
These girls are very independent., never listen to a man and do everything according to their own understanding!
In order for a man to make a decision, he constantly have to prove to his companion that he is right and spend a lot of effort on it! But because of disrespect for a man, such a girl does not trust the guy's decisions and constantly emphasizes this!
Such a girl by all means strive to build a career, earn a lot of money, wants his own apartment, car, etc.
She doesn't want to have children, as her career will not allow such a luxury. Such a girl plows from 6 in the morning until late at night. Naturally, she has no time to cook and clean.
So, back to the question If a man does not reciprocate?»
Reason #2 (neediness)
There are girls who are just sick of a man, i.e. She wants him so much that she is ready to do anything! She calls him every 2 minutes, writes to him, makes a million compliments, constantly thinks about him.
In any conversation with your girlfriends immediately starts talking about it how she loves him very much and is afraid of losing him, but he does not pay any attention to her. Loads him with gifts, etc.
In the end, the man understands that she is sick and inadequate? and completely obsessed only with him, and in the end stays away from her!
Reason number 3 (appearance)
There are girls who don't take care of themselves, she has constantly filthy gray clothes, her breath stinks of shit, her hair is constantly dirty and uncombed, she dresses like an old woman!
Doesn’t take care of the body, i.e. doesn’t go in for sports at all, because of this, it begins to get fat and overgrown with fat!
Can't do makeup either., and does not understand why it is needed. Her face is constantly in acne, as she eats everything!
Conclusion: If one girl has all three reasons that I have listed, then not one worthy man will meet such a girl!
This article is only a small part of what is on my site, it contains a lot of useful and practical information on this and other topics of interest to you. You can immediately successfully use this information in practice with a man without wasting your time.
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This, however, rarely happens, and in the end you still have to explain yourself. Elena Kuznetsova, director of the Vladimir dating agency "Me and You", family psychologist, consultant on interpersonal relations, told how to politely refuse reciprocity to a man.
First of all, it is worth remembering that you are not obliged to love the person who, and you have the right not to reciprocate someone else's love. You don't have to blame yourself for this. Another thing is that it is necessary to refuse as correctly as possible, so as not to offend him. Although you still offend - directly by refusing.
Don't talk about your own unworthiness
A classic of the genre, when young ladies, in response to a love confession, babble something like: “you need another woman - more calm (or, conversely, more complex - options are possible)”. Such a phrase should not be uttered in any case, because on the one hand, you tell a man that he does not know how to choose women. On the other hand, you leave hope, because the admirer will ardently begin to assure you that he is, and not someone else. In general, the discussion will drag on.
It is better to do the following. First you need to, because it really costs a lot - a person singled you out from the crowd. You can say, for example: “Thank you. I am very pleased to hear this from you, ”and then proceed directly to explaining the reason why you.
To soften the rejection, take the fire on yourself. It is not necessary to say that you are a woman unworthy of the love of such a man. It's better to say that it's simple, because you have other priorities. For example, taking care of old parents, or too immersed in a career. “If you want to be with me, such a badass, be patient. But I can’t say when someone”…
“What do we gain by such an explanation? We take off our masks. We show our partner what exactly is happening to us at the moment, and give the man the right to choose - to wait for us, or to leave, because, ”explains Kuznetsova.
If you don't like it, but don't want to end the relationship...
When a partner says: “I love you,” he expects the same words in response. If you can’t reciprocate, but you don’t want to interrupt communication, you can cheat a little. Make an alternative confession:, or “I am attached to you”, or “I miss you” ... But the word “love” should not sound in this case.
Don't offer friendship!
There is nothing more inappropriate than to end a refusal-explanation with a sentence: . When a man loves you, he will dissolve in you, be present in your life. And when you, rejecting love, and with it the physiological connection, offer friendship, you are thus your admirer. The word "friendship" in this case is a taboo. Replace it with "to communicate" or "to see".
That is, the explanation should be built approximately as follows: “Thank you very much for your recognition. Unfortunately, I am not ready now for a serious relationship, because I am looking after my parents, but I would very much like to see each other in the future. Unless, of course, this format suits you.
When You Shouldn't Give Up Hope...
Women are unpredictable creatures, so there is no certainty that a gentleman rejected today will not be tomorrow. Young ladies fall in love gradually, being fascinated, first of all, by the actions of the admirer. Many women know a similar trait behind themselves, therefore they prefer not to refuse the boyfriend immediately, but want to take a closer look. In most cases, this is a wise decision, but there is a caveat. If a man is unpleasant for you on a physiological level - too fat for you, or too thin, etc., you will never be able to agree with yourself and, deciding on a relationship with such a gentleman, in advance.
“If physiologically this is not your man, do not delay the breakup, do not use this person, no matter how. The rope will end anyway. You can't constantly step on your throat and sleep with someone you don't want. Meanwhile, the partner will feel your true attitude towards him and, most likely,. And you will be left with nothing, exhausted emotionally and physically, ”the psychologist warns.
Choose a time and place to quit
If you did not dare to immediately tell your partner about your dislike and asked for time to “think and give an answer this week”, then, raising the topic in the future, carefully choose a place and time for the conversation. The conversation should not be on the run and definitely on neutral territory. If you voice a disappointing verdict, for example, at home, then it will be - in addition to refusal, you also seem to put the man out of the apartment.
“There should be a comfortable, calm environment. Maybe a cafe or a restaurant. The interlocutors should also be full and more or less calm. Plus - everything should be good with health. If you are tired or sick, then it is better not to start a conversation, because you will break loose and say too much. If a man does not feel well, then your words will simply “finish him off,” Kuznetsova states.
Paper does not turn red
When there is no strength to refuse a man personally, take a break and ask for time to think. And then send your answer in writing. Not by email, SMS, or social media. It should be a "live", handwritten letter, not impersonal, but storing your energy.
“Writing is the optimal form of communication in this case. It gives you the opportunity, and the addressee - time to calmly think about the situation and not talk bad things about emotions, ”explains a consultant on interpersonal relations.
The message can be drawn up in one of two options: an absolute refusal and a refusal with a proposal to continue the relationship. The form of building a letter is chosen depending on the ultimate goal, but in any case it contains three parts: introduction, culmination and completion.
In the “farewell-farewell” option, the letter should begin with and gratitude to him. But this part should not be too big. In the second part, which should be a little more than the first, you should explain the reason for your refusal - report that you are not ready for a relationship. The third part is the most voluminous. Here you say goodbye to a man. Categorically. You wish him happiness and all the best, thereby leaving no hope for further communication with you.
In the variant, the biggest part should be the first one, where you literally bombard the man with compliments. The second part, where you write about why you cannot reciprocate, should literally consist of one phrase. The conclusion must be just as poor. Something like: "give me time, I hope you answer me."
“Technically everything is clear. What the emphasis is on, we perceive better, ”says Kuznetsova.
Don't wait for an answer
Making a postscript that "think, please, I'm waiting for your answer", . Yes, you ask a man for further communication, but it’s not a fact that he will meet you halfway. Having been refused, the gentleman may decide to leave in English and never want to see you again. However, it may decide in your favor. In this case, he will find a way to remind himself. It’s not worth it, figuring out: “What did you decide?”. A man should also have freedom of choice.
If you have questions for psychologist Elena Kuznetsova, you can ask them by writing a letter to the editorial office of AiF-Vladimir: [email protected] .
Non-reciprocal feelings deal a strong blow to the psyche and self-esteem. There is a feeling of depression, dissatisfaction with oneself and life up to depression.
You can and should get rid of such feelings as soon as possible. We will tell you what to do in order not to build castles in the air and turn this page of life.
We figured out how to forget about suffering, even if a fiasco overtook our personal lives.
1. Accept the fact that this person does not need you.
If today it seems to you that the object of your sighing still loves you a little, and tomorrow he disappears for a week, then there is no question of any love here. Check if your story is similar to the classic relationship between two lovers. Recognizing that your lover does not reciprocate is already a step towards a worthy way out of the situation.
And the next time you want to remind him of yourself or ask how he is doing, think about how it looks in his eyes. A person who is completely unnecessary to him constantly takes care of him. All he feels is indulgence. Do you want to be a servant at the feet of the master? Better do something more enjoyable.
2. Shift your focus
“Out of sight, out of mind” is the motto of the initial stage of “rehabilitation”. Move away as far as possible from the object of sighing: a relatively long and long trip with an information detox (no need to constantly monitor his / her social media profiles) is a great option.
If, due to circumstances, it is impossible to avoid meetings, mentally distance yourself: even if a person is in the same space with you, this does not mean that you should think about him and only about him. Direct your thoughts in a pleasant direction: what else do you dream about, what do you want, besides the notorious “happiness in your personal life”?
3. Find a soul mate
You are not alone in experiencing heartbreak. Many have known the bitterness of unhappy love. And almost everyone did. Tell a loved one who has been in your shoes about your experiences. Gently ask what was his path, what helped. Sometimes it is enough to hear simple words: "As I understand you." And it gets easier.
Just do not make the mistake of many: do not turn this topic into a favorite. So you will constantly think about one person and it will be very difficult to forget about him. In order to speak out and listen to an opinion, a few conversations will suffice.
If you don’t want to take out love affairs beyond the boundaries of your personal space, look to culture: the topic of unrequited feelings is relevant, it’s not difficult to find books or films whose characters will make you rise from your knees.
4. Take care of yourself
When thoughts are consumed by unpleasant experiences, there is a great risk of triggering oneself. Even if cats scratch at heart, even if you don’t feel like doing anything at all, still pay attention to your appearance and health. Take a pleasant and fragrant bubble bath. Brew yourself a delicious and healthy herbal tea. Update your wardrobe or hair.
In no case do not start smoking (or increase the dose, if you already smoke) and fill grief with alcohol, do stupid and thoughtless acts that endanger your health or even life. Especially if this self-abasement is aimed at the fact that the beloved will see how bad you are, and immediately understand everything. This won't happen. But ruin your health.
5. Exercise
Emotions can be brought into balance in different ways. One of the most effective options is physical activity. They release negative energy. Run every morning. Or sign up for a gym, fitness, swimming pool. And even for horseback riding: get a positive charge not only from activity, but also from communication with a beautiful animal.
Combined version - dancing: both sports and creativity. Turn on your favorite music and dance until you drop, pretending to be the star of the party. Or go to study this or that type of dance in the studio. So you combine business with pleasure.
6. Drop your hopes
The Indians have a good saying: "The horse is dead - get off." Do not console yourself with vain hopes. There is nothing more destructive than waiting for a sudden interest from scratch or the return of a faded feeling. If you are systematically shown “disliked” towards you, do not come up with false excuses: “No, no! He/she is just shy, I will help him/her get over it.”
In fact, there is no desire, otherwise there would be opportunities and strength. To accept this fact will help a sober look at what is happening: remember your behavior in a situation where you do not want to go on a date or a party. Not a problem to find a hundred excuses, right?
7. Don't get mad
Failures, including on the personal front, are part of life. If something did not go according to your plan, this is not a reason to get angry at all members of the opposite sex and hate yourself for imperfection. Trust that everything will work out for the best in the end. And do not wish harm to the object of unhappy love, because no one is obliged to sacrifice himself for the sake of your peace of mind.
Would you yourself begin to associate life with someone for whom you do not have sympathy, only out of pity? It is better to appreciate what good this person gave you, thank you and move on in life with your head held high and a smile.
Bonus
Bring some philosophy into your life. Come up with or find a personal motto and have it in front of your eyes, or scroll through it regularly in your mind. Let it be a phrase that inspires peace and faith in the best. On the ring of King Solomon, there was an engraving with the inscription: "Everything passes, this too will pass." Why not use the experience of a wise ruler?