The role of men in the modern family. The role of the man in the family The function of the man in the family and in marriage

Many marriage unions often break up only because they did not distinguish in time the role of a man and a woman in a family in a relationship.

Often a man does not want to take full responsibility for the family, and a woman does not want to be a housewife at all, striving for an easy and beautiful life.

What should a wife be responsible for?

Follows life.
Takes care of children.
Provides in the house comfortable conditions, a cosiness.
Supports her husband.

Responsibility of a man

Family safety guarantee.
Problem resolution.
Supply.
Providing housing.
Budget management.

Both are responsible for quality sex.

Force the husband to be the head of the family

Actually, this is quite easy to do. It is enough to put him in your union in the first place. This means that no matter what happens, pay attention to it in the very first place. Nothing should be more important than the interests of the husband. Don't let this seem old-fashioned to you. But remember some of your actions. The husband calls home and hears on the phone: “Oh, I’ll call you back later, I’m talking with my girlfriend now.” Thus, you show disrespect for the faithful, a demonstration that you have a lot of more important interests than showing attention to your husband. Such trifles accumulate, and now the man does not feel at all like a significant person in his own family.

The husband is the head of everything

The main relationship in the family is your relationship with your husband. They should always be given first place. On the second - children.
Often, women still have a child as a priority. After all, the husband - what? He's an adult, he'll wait. And this position undermines the family from the inside. And the same child suffers as a result.
Often, in general, women in the first place appear everything and everything, except for their spouse: friends, work, their own interests, except for their husband. Because of this, the family is slowly falling apart.

Respect for the husband must be felt in the house - then the conflicts will disappear by themselves. And if your relationship has not yet reached a level where you trust each other and can trust one another unconditionally, you need to accustom your partner to the idea that he is the most important person in the family.

Women's role in the family

What was said above is the basis of the relationship. If it is set, then all other issues - domestic, sexual, financial, work - are dealt with by a woman, and it is already much easier for her to do this. She, as it were, manages all this complex organism called "family". Here is her foundation:

Partner in the first place.
Love.
Money.
Relationships built on respect.
Clearly defined goal of the relationship (strong family), dreams, tasks of the family.

Everything else is built on this foundation: creativity, your own or joint business, family traditions, etc.

Role differences

The division of men and women in the family into certain roles is due to both psychological and physiological characteristics.

It has already happened. A man performs the mission of a breadwinner, head, protector. It is very important that a woman is aware of this and has a need for it, even if she earns more than her husband.

Women's mission is to create an atmosphere in the family, to radiate satisfaction with life.

Often, women choose for themselves the male role in the family, and this negatively affects the relationship of the spouses. But it’s more convenient for her: having male energy, it’s easier to move up the career ladder, earn more, and it’s easier to survive. And she prefers to survive, defend herself, fight, as if forgetting how important it is to appear before her man as soft, feminine, flexible, understanding, creating an atmosphere of home.

Everyone in the family should do their own thing - only then it harmoniously develops and exists. If everyone fulfills his destiny, everyone is satisfied and happy. Otherwise, problems arise.

A very important condition for a happy family is the desire of both the husband and wife to work continuously on relationships. Many divorces happen when one of the partners does not consider it necessary to constantly invest their efforts and efforts in the relationship. Meanwhile, love and happiness are not momentary sensations.

This is a process that needs movement and development. To do this, you need to make an effort so that they then more than pay off.

Female and male roles are not just someone's invented tradition. These roles are described in the Bible as something high, preserving the order established by history. Men are strong, strong, enduring and courageous. And so he was destined to be the protector and, as God himself commanded, the breadwinner of his family. At that time, a woman has a different purpose. She is a mother, mistress and helper. The myth is that women have a secondary role. But in Hebrew, the word "helper" means something completely different, it's a woman who stands in front of him.

Both female and male roles are equally important and significant, but different in their functions. In Marriage in Modern Society, the relationship between a man and a woman is likened to a key and a lock that join together and function as one. This book says that when a man and a woman are united, they do what they cannot do alone. No partner is perfect, but everyone is unique. They complement, but do not surpass each other.

Our society has completely forgotten about the existence of any female and male roles. Women seek equality, while men remain silent. Women occupy their prestigious positions, where they receive high salaries. Women do not need a man: in their protection and provision. Because of this, men do not see the need for themselves, do not feel like real men, and they do not have self-confidence. While men hide from women's leadership, women are becoming more and more masculine by taking on masculine roles.

Male and female labor

Back in the 60s, studies were conducted among hippies. All cases were evenly distributed among men and women. Men, like women, raised children, cooked food, and took care of the house. And women, along with men, worked on construction, in the fields and got food. At the end of this experiment, it was found that women were better at working in one area, and men were better in another.

Women were better at sewing and men were better at digging. When they performed work on equal terms, quarrels and disagreements began. Therefore, in order to organize work in a team, it is necessary to divide labor.

When the family correctly fulfills its roles, then great success in the life of the family is guaranteed. And most often, problems in the family occur when one of the family members does not play their role, it is taken to play someone else's role.

In order to be fully responsible in your female role, then undertake to fulfill only her. Children or other family members will help you to do and accomplish something, but only you should be responsible for the order in which the female role is performed. You must possess female thrift, responsibility, be able to use the skills and abilities in the female field. Achieve, by devoting yourself, well-being and happiness in your family.

Male needs

A man must have three needs, help him create them. Namely:

His main role is the breadwinner and protector. He should play the role of the head of the family. He should have support from the side of his beloved woman and children. Without the help of others, a man must independently provide for his household. Protect from adversity and difficulties that fall on their life path.
A man should feel the need and need of the family in his role.
A man should be ahead of and superior to a woman in this role..

To make your man happy, you need to give him the opportunity to play his main role in the family. He needs to feel that you need him and that he is superior to you in fulfilling his role. It must be remembered that in any case there will be no perfection. No need to find fault with trifles, do not interfere in his affairs. In case a man does not want to fulfill his male role - tell him about your problems and ask for help or solutions. In such situations, you need to be patient, changes do not happen immediately. Be sure to praise and thank the man. #Psychology of relationships between Men and Women#

The confusion of roles and their impact on our children

The confusion of roles is the fuzziness of male and female boundaries. This is someone doing their job. This is considered normal, but if it does not turn into a way of life. If every day a woman performs men's affairs, and a man - women's, then these actions for the family are destructive.

For many years we have been teaching and instilling femininity and courage in our children. Children learn by looking at their parents, taking an example from them, therefore, the image of male and female roles should be clear and precise. Children look at their parents, their clothes, their actions and deeds, their duties in the family. When roles are clearly distinguished in the home, boys will grow up to be masculine men and girls will grow up to be feminine women. But when there is no clarity in the roles, more often in such families children grow up as homosexuals.

Are the roles distributed fairly?

Most often, it is women who are not satisfied with the distribution of roles. They believe that a man should definitely help them around the house, and not relax after coming home from work. Seems fair, right? But if you look from the other side, then a woman, having raised children, frees her from this role after a while.

The children have grown up, and now the woman is becoming free in this area. As for a man, his task is to provide for his family throughout his life. Therefore, always remember this, doing your business joyfully, with the thought of a good future. There is no need to demand from the husband to do everything at once: to feed the family, raise children, and help around the house. It's just not possible.

The man is the leader!

God appointed a man to the position of head, king, boss, leader, president. Whether it be a large company, or a small organization, or a family, it must have a boss. For that there was order and for everything to be organized, without anarchy, without chaos.

The leader must be a man, because from birth and by nature he is already a leader who is endowed with determination. Decisions are often made in the family. And it is not always easy to reach some kind of solution, satisfying the needs of everyone: both men and women. Therefore, mutual agreement, unfortunately, is rare. Therefore, the family must have a leader and a person who decides and takes responsibility for his decision.

In order to reach mutual agreement, you need to live a certain time. But sometimes this time is not enough, especially when decisions are made quickly, in this place and at this hour. Therefore, the decisiveness of the head of the family is very important here.

Family leader rights

The family must have certain rules: behavior, family budget, table etiquette, use of household items, cleaning time, etc. The whole family takes part in setting the rules, offering various options at the family council.

A man should and has every right to make the final decisions. And the last word in any situation at home, at work, at expenses should remain with the man.

How should a wife lead a family?

Despite the fact that the husband is the head of the family, the woman takes an active part in family affairs and plays an important role. A wife is considered a support for her husband, because he has a huge responsibility. For a man, your thoughts and statements on the water of his decision are very important. If you do it right, then you will be able to lead a man. No wonder they say: "A man is a head, and a woman is a neck."

There is a vivid example of this in history about Mumtaz Mahal. The Taj Mahal was built in her honor. Her father is the chief minister, she has a good education, knowledge of languages. She was a very intelligent woman and had a strong influence on her husband and helped him run the country. She did it subtly and correctly, using all her feminine tricks so that her husband next to her felt like a full-fledged head of the family and the ruler of India.

The most common mistakes women make

Very often, women make mistakes in their influence on men, sometimes without even suspecting it themselves: leadership, nit-picking, pressure, advice, disobedience.

The biggest mistake is advice. A woman gives them very often and too much. When your man tells you a problem or some situation, do not rush to immediately give him advice. Before you advise something, you need to think about how to present it, and what is possible and not worth saying. If you immediately tell him what to do, then because of this, he will lose confidence in you. He may assume that you know the answers to all questions, that you are doing just fine without him.

How often do you find fault with your husband? Point out what he did wrong or what he could have done better? How often do you criticize him? Such nitpicking will give the impression that you do not believe in his ability to lead a family or make decisions. The husband will think that you do not have confidence in him. Therefore, you must build, but in no case destroy the confidence in your husband.

Learn to obey your soul mate. This will be easier to do if you learn to agree with him. Obedience is the best way to give a man confidence in his masculine role.

How to learn obedience?

Respect him as a man and as head. And also teach your children to treat him the same way. Listen to the words of the Bible that God has put a man at the head of the family.
Do not dominate the family. Give this role to your husband, and obey him yourself. When you give him the opportunity to lead, he will devote more to you in business and ask for advice, he will give you the opportunity to become part of his leadership.
Trust your husband. Any relationship is built on trust. Don't worry about the big decisions he made. Let him take care of it himself. All people make mistakes, and your husband is no exception, and neither are you. The main thing is the motives and his judgments, and not what mistake he made. For you, some of his judgments may be unreasonable, but learn to accept them as such.
Learn to adapt and not be stubborn. Know how to adapt to all the conditions and situations in which you find yourself with your husband. Remember that this is his choice, and he is the head of the family.
listen.
Be one with your husband especially for your children.
Support your husband in decisions, plans and endeavors.
Talk about your feelings and explain your position.

Women have intuition and insight, and it is these gifts given to a woman that help men give advice. The wife is very close as no one else to the problems and life of her husband. Just don't hand out advice as daily food.

When giving advice, always ask leading questions, then listen to it, tell how you understand it. Do not seek to show your husband that you know more than him, and do not give advice in the role of a mother. Otherwise, it will seem to him that he is a little boy. But don't be tough and don't dominate. Give advice without pressure and don't try to manipulate.

What are the problems in family management?

Fear that the husband will fail.
Women's rebellion.
Husband's doubts. Fear drives everyone, and your husband too. It may even be his trait. Therefore, the best way is to come to terms with it and learn to deal with it and live.
Husband's unwillingness to lead. Here you need to talk with your husband about leadership in the family, that there should be one person in charge, that you need him as a leader and as a “strong hand”.
Encouraging Children to Do Wicked Works. In this case, you need to leave yourself and take your children away from such a house. This is depravity in a family under bad influence. It may be that your husband simply stumbled because of his weakness and for him moral principles ceased to matter. Here you should be patient and try to save your family and marriage.

Reward

The one where the husband is the head, there will be order in the family. This is a harmonious family without disagreements and quarrels. A man who takes on the responsibility of leading a family becomes decisive, responsible and confident in himself and his abilities.

Children who grew up in such a family respect teachers, elders, and leaders in various fields.

Such marriages are happy, which means that people are also happy.

Federal Agency for Education
State educational institution
higher professional education
"Kovrov State Technological Academy
named after V.A. Degtyarev"

Department of GN

Essay on sociology on the topic
"The functions of a man in the family"

Supervisor:

Performer: student gr.
.

Kovrov 2011
Content

Introduction

Why do you need a man in the family? It is impossible even to imagine that someone asked this question a hundred years ago. The historically established patriarchal-house-building model of the family clearly defined the functions of each member: the man is the head, he has absolute power, the wife and children are obliged to obey him implicitly. The man earned money, distributed what to spend it on, decided where and what the children would study, when and with whom they would marry, punished the guilty, etc. Of course, the wise diplomacy of women also played a role, and a very tangible one. But this only confirmed the principle of the “domostroevskaya” family: a man is a strategist, a woman is a tactician. This went on for thousands of years, and could go on for many more. Even the spread of the feminist movement at the beginning of the 20th century in Russia did not have any radical impact on the existing way of life. And communist slogans such as "A woman is a friend, comrade and brother" remained just words. Yes, women were allowed to work, participate in the political life of the state, but outside the walls of the house, in the family, the role of the wife remained the same.
Everything changed in the 1940s and 50s. It was not only the huge losses of the country's male population that affected, but also the years of the war, in which women not only took care of the family and children, but also all “male” duties. “I am a horse, I am a bull, I am a woman and a man!” - women did not lose heart, and plowed, sowed, harvested, worked for days at factories and factories, supplying the front with everything necessary, raising children, getting a piece of bread for them. But now the war is over.
The surviving men returned home to their families. And how many did not return? A huge number of widows became the sole breadwinners in their families. Their children grew up seeing before their eyes an example of a strong woman-mother, able to independently solve all the problems of the family, performing the functions of "both mother and father." And there is no one to blame that, as adults, they passed on to their children the conviction that all affairs in the family can and should be managed by a woman. More than 60 years have passed since the war, and the echoes of that time are still heard. Few people could have imagined that the forced loneliness of those women would provoke a huge number of conflicts related both to the struggle for leadership in the family and to the problem of the distribution of responsibilities.
Today's marriages, in contrast to the marriages of the "domostroevsky" period, are based in most cases on love and mutual consent. Therefore, the distribution of the functions of everyone in the family is based not so much on traditional prescriptions, but on mutual agreements: who is more capable of what, he does it. The main thing is that it suits both. The functions of husband and wife, at the same time, at different stages of their life together can be adjusted or completely changed. For example, if in the first years after marriage, both spouses worked and household problems were distributed approximately equally between them, then after the birth of a child, most of the household chores fall, as a rule, on the woman, and the man takes care of the financial support of the family.
Nevertheless, there is a classic distribution of roles in a modern family, in which the following functions fall on the shoulders of a man: financial support, maintenance, repair and other work related to the use of physical force (move furniture, for example, or chop firewood in the country), and representing the interests of the family. Together with his wife, as a rule, decisions are made regarding the upbringing of children, organizing family leisure, and making large purchases. But all this is rather conditional, and each family decides on its own, based on the correspondence between the character and capabilities of the husband and wife.
Separately, I would like to touch on the issue of the functions and significance of the father in the family. The number of divorces, according to statistics, is steadily growing, which means that the number of children brought up in single-parent families is also growing. A child growing up without a father has long been a common occurrence. No one argues that many modern women are coping well with financial problems, providing their children with a fairly high standard of living. However, the role of the father in the life of the child is enormous. The presence of a father in the house creates in the child a sense of security, stability. A child growing up in a complete family is much more likely to create a successful marriage in the future. After all, seeing in front of them how relations between parents are built, boys learn from their father responsibility, attitude towards a woman, acquire male communication skills, and girls - patience, conflict resolution, female wisdom. What about spending time together? The first swimming lessons in confident father's hands, joint skating, skiing, hiking in the forest for mushrooms, fishing - these childhood experiences are of great importance for the formation of a human personality. Dad is a "reliable stronghold" not only for the child's soul, but also for the family as a whole.

A real man
A man, in my opinion, is someone who knows how to take responsibility and make decisions. A real man is laconic, speaks only to the point. A real man is not afraid to be a man, that is, to do what he has to do, to perform a male function.
Today, we see the opposite - men run away from responsibility, and the concept of "being a man" acquires the features of only external behavior. There is a substitution, and women are forced to take on the burden of responsibility and decision-making, they are forced to stand at the helm of the family ship.
Plus, this trend in fashion ... Men over 40 are less affected by it, while young people are successfully imposing new destructive ideals of a man who takes care of his appearance no less than a female fashionista. This trend has now spread even among men who do not identify themselves as sexual minorities at all. So, the popularity of men's cosmetics is gaining momentum! The male consciousness is changing, he no longer thinks about what a man is supposed to think about - how to provide for his family, how to fix a tap at home, but about things that are completely absurd for a man.
Perhaps all this has more to do with large cities than with the provinces. This new consciousness manifests itself especially seriously in the external paraphernalia of the so-called youth subcultures, for example, in the “emo” subculture, where young men use cosmetics, dye their hair, avoid playing sports, resembling girls as much as possible. This culture brings both men and women under the same denominator.
True masculinity does not show itself outwardly until the right moment comes. Today, men, even having will and character, try to show them where it is not worth doing at all - for example, they express them in rude behavior with women. Real courage manifests itself in a critical situation where strong-willed decisions and actions are required, where neglect of one’s health and well-being, one’s “I” is required for the sake of other people.
A real man will never stand out in a crowd, a real man does not have to have physical strength or conspicuous charisma. Just the same, many men who take care of themselves, modern machos and dandies, can be upset because of a broken nail to tears, being completely dependent on their artificial image that hides their inner emptiness. A real man can be an elderly and poor professor of mathematics, who is made fun of by his students because of his old-fashioned appearance or manner of speaking, but who behaves like a man at the right time and goes to stand up for a girl against a crowd of hooligans, scorning the danger, realizing that the situation requires from him to act like a man. Meanwhile, someone who considers himself a macho and visits the gym three times a week for three hours, shaking his biceps and buttocks, will pass by, fearing for his body, the care of which he devotes so much effort and so much money.
The formation of a real man will benefit from military service, which instills strong-willed qualities in a man. Although not only the military can consider themselves the owners of true masculinity. It happens that children are more likely to act like men than adults ... An integral quality of a real man is the willingness to sacrifice himself for the sake of others, for the sake of his neighbors, for the sake of the Fatherland and for the sake of the family.
Courage is, on the one hand, a property of character. Of course, a man must be internally strong and courageous. This is the factor that affects everything - the ability to make decisions, take responsibility. On the other hand, everything is determined by worldview. A real man has values - family, homeland, faith, honor, dignity - which for him are higher than health and even life.
A man should be an example for his children - to be a defender of the family and the Fatherland. And what kind of example will he be if he is not ready to stand up for the weak, loses his own dignity in case of any danger? How will his wife treat him? Yes, let him make good money, but will he be a man, the head of the family?
God created man physically stronger than woman. It means that God has entrusted the functions of protection to the man. And if a man refuses these functions, then he refuses the talent and duty originally given to him.
Initially, the sex-role functions between a man and a woman were distributed in a certain way. But today they are trying to abandon this natural state of affairs, to turn it upside down. And when there is a substitution, the society becomes ill and degenerates. When men cease to be men and women cease to be women, it becomes impossible to form families, which is now happening in the subcultures we have mentioned, which do not leave offspring. But, unfortunately, not only individual groups of representatives of subcultures, but society as a whole is now in the stage of extinction.
No men - no women - no family. No family - no children, and this is a dead end, the extinction of society. Being a real man is a prerequisite for the life of society. This is how it was originally set up.

Who is the head of the family - husband or wife
The content of the concept of family headship is associated with the implementation of managerial (administrative) functions: general management of family affairs, making responsible decisions regarding the family as a whole, regulating intra-family relations, choosing the method of raising children, distributing the family budget, etc.
At the same time, there are two types of leadership: patriarchal (the head of the family is necessarily the husband) and egalitarian (in the family, leadership is carried out jointly).
A study of this issue by N.F. Fedotova (1981) revealed that 27.5% of men and 20% of women noted male dominance, and the number of families where both spouses considered the husband the head of the family was only 13% of the total sample. Women's headship was indicated more often by wives than by husbands (25.7% and 17.4%, respectively), and the concurrence of spouses' opinions was only in 8.6% of families. Women were more in favor of joint leadership than men (25.7% and 18.4%, respectively). At the same time, the coincidence of opinions about joint headship was in 27% of families. In more than half of the cases, there was a discrepancy in opinion about who was the head of the family: the husband considered himself to be the head of the family, and the wife considered herself, which often created a conflict situation.
<Где жена верховодит, там муж по соседям бродит. Русская пословица>
When comparing the data of studies conducted in our country over the past decade, the following dynamics are clearly visible: the older the age of the respondents, the more common is the opinion that the family should be built according to the egalitarian type. Below is the data supporting this conclusion.
According to G. V. Lozova and N. A. Rybakova (1998), adolescent boys more often than girls of the same age believe that the husband should be the head of the family (respectively, 53% and 36%); if preference is given to the mother (which happens less often), then girls do it more often than boys (respectively 20% and 6%). At the same time, that part of the boys who have realized themselves as representatives of the male sex gravitate to such a distribution of roles. The same boys who have not yet managed to completely identify their gender equally often prefer both patriarchy in the family and biarchy (that is, they believe that both father and mother can be the head of the family). The same trend is observed among girls: the semi-identified group believes that a woman should be the head of the family, while the rest of the girls gravitate towards gender equality.
As boys and girls grow older, their view of the headship of a husband or wife in the family changes somewhat. So, according to N. V. Lyakhovich, young men believe that either the husband should be the head of the family (35% of answers), or there should be equality of heads (biarchy) - 65% of answers. The same trend is observed in the responses of girls (husband - 23%, biarchy - 73%), with the difference that 4% named their wife as the head of the family.
Among those entering into marriage, even fewer respondents give headship in the family to the husband. According to T. A. Gurko (1996), this was done by 18% of grooms, 9% of brides. Among men, patriarchal views are mainly (about 40%) held by people from the village and having only a secondary education.
According to studies conducted in our country, from 15 to 30% of women over the age of 30 declare themselves the head of the family, while only 2-4% of their husbands and 7% of adult children recognize this.
It turns out that at the heart of the modern institution of marriage lies, only, neurotic motivation. In the Stone Age, marriage was a strategic matter, it allowed to survive and control many social processes. In our time, the family has ceased to fulfill these functions and serves as a means of achieving spiritual comfort, that is, to enjoy.
These are not necessarily physical needs in the form of sex, affection and care, more often the family satisfies deeper needs - power, self-affirmation, and others. If earlier families were created under the call “So it is necessary”, now people entering into marriage are guided by another setting - “I want”.
The most difficult thing is to figure out what we really want and what men want.
To begin with, let's consider what kind of men are according to their psychotype, and what are the reasons for marriage.
In general terms, there are two types of men - extroverts and introverts.
extrovert man- this is a male male, a typical example of a strong half of humanity, the one whom every young girl represents in her dreams. He sparkles with energy, he is incredibly active and sociable, loves sports and a glass of beer in the company of friends, he is ambitious and determined. In a relationship with a woman, he also wants to be a leader, although this does not always work out. Among male extroverts there are those same womanizers and womanizers, they are also impudent and boors.
Usually, an extroverted man looks very self-confident and even slightly self-confident. However, behind this mask of a strong and determined man, there is usually a deeply insecure person. It is because of their insecurity that they simply go out of their way to prove to others their worth and stick out their “I”.
What are the reasons for marriage for extroverts? Society requires a man to show his masculinity, that is, to be cool and strong. A woman is just an extra opportunity for him to confirm his status. Therefore, in relations with women, the development of two scenarios is possible: either conquer as many women as possible (Casanova) or win one, but “super cool”. The main desire of such a man is to master, subdue and suppress. More often than not, extroverted men are terrible possessive and jealous. In a fit of anger, they may not disdain assault.
At the expense of a woman, an extrovert man asserts himself, confirms his high status. As a rule, a family conflict flares up here because the husband behaves like a real tyrant and despot, and the wife, depressed and broken, cries because they don’t love her, don’t pity and don’t understand.
Let's put the question again: "The role of a man in a family with an extrovert?"
Simply, with the help of his family, he provides himself with a lifelong opportunity to assert himself at the expense of a loving woman.
However, there is one important point here. If a woman surrendered and gratefully sacrificed herself to this man, he no longer feels that initial joy of victory and longs for new “blood”. Therefore, he, even without realizing it himself, begins to cheat on his wife, although she is both smart and beautiful, and generally did nothing wrong. A man is pushed to such steps by his internal problems - doubts that appear in their steepness require decisive action.
Now let's turn to male introverts. Men of this type are called nerds by many. They are very quiet, inactive, they tend not to enter into conflict situations and are more humanitarian in terms of warehouse. Male introverts never go on the attack, they are passive and prefer to sit out in ambush. The same applies to relationships with women, they are constrained and indecisive. For them, the main thing is to find “the one, the only one” with whom you can live your whole life. As a rule, it is introverted men who are romantic young men losing their heads from love, henpecked and losers like them.
Introvert men, just like extroverts, are very insecure, only this is manifested in the fact that they doubt and hesitate in everything. Since they are afraid of making a mistake, do not expect active actions from them, they would rather prefer complete inaction. However, this uncertainty gives rise to many of those ridiculous mistakes and problems that further exacerbate the situation. In most cases, they close into their shell and try not to attract any attention to themselves at all.
Where do these interesting specimens come from - introverts and extroverts? Many psychologists believe that certain qualities of character are little conditioned by external influences, many of them appear already in the first years of life.
Note that introversion and extraversion are quite normal phenomena. Introverted men, for example, have a lot of positive qualities. However, our society is arranged in such a way that the behavior of an extrovert is obviously required from a man. Introverts, quiet and inactive by nature, suffer even more from this, which feeds their insecurities.
Another point is the mother - the main woman of the whole life of an introverted man. Thanks to mother's care, guardianship and pressure, a healthy introvert turns into a "normal" man. However, the subsequent relationship with the beloved woman largely depends on the relationship of the introvert with the mother. An introverted man will not only assert himself at the expense of a woman, but also look for a mother in her who will provide him with affection, care and understanding. However, unlike an extrovert, he will assert himself because he realizes what a really cool “aunt” chose him (from an extrovert - what a cool “aunt” I grabbed). In fact, an introvert is not looking for power over a woman, but, on the contrary, subordination to her, of course, if she does not abuse this power.
Family problems that arise in the life of a “normal” introvert are connected with the fact that very soon he turns into a henpecked man, and a woman begins to rule the ball. At the same time, she feels deceived, because she was looking for a male male, and not a husband-child. A woman wants to change the situation and does not find anything better than endlessly sawing and blaming a worthless husband for nothing, depriving him of her affection and love. A man instead of the former warden - mother gets another, even more cruel. Such couples stop having sex and live out their lives almost as strangers to each other.
Do not think that an introvert will run to his mistress, in this case the wife will cheat, and the husband will have no choice but to patiently wait and be jealous of an unfaithful passion, however, he will be jealous like a little boy whom mommy left for another baby.
What is the role of an introverted man in the family? Unlike an extrovert, he really wants love, but not the love of a mature man for a woman, but the love of a mother for her child. Therefore, to marry in order to guarantee this constant influx of motherly love and care, but the result of such a decision is another annoyed mother.
And usually in such couples, the wife is the active link, which, as a rule, becomes the initiator of marriage. It is not necessary that she does this in an open form, she knows how to lead a man to the very decision of marriage, which he takes for granted, hoping that by doing so he ensures lifelong love and care for himself. On his own initiative, an introverted man can make an offer only if he is crazy and passionately in love with a woman inaccessible to him. It is by this act that he can attract her attention to himself, otherwise she would simply pass by without looking in his direction. Of course, a strong and long relationship in this case is out of the question.
In addition to the main two types of men, there is also a separate group of men - the so-called "NON-normal" introverts and extroverts.
These are men who have normal self-esteem, balanced and quite adequate, not looking for a mother in a woman or an object for submission.

Functions of a man in the family
When a man decides to marry, he is actually already preparing to become a father. The first daughter of a man is his wife. If he is not ready to take care of her, always love and forgive her like a child, then you should not even think about marriage. A woman in her heart always remains a little girl who needs her father's love and affection.

1. A man should be a leader - to be the head of the house. This does not mean that the husband dictates to his wife what to do. A good leader has a close relationship with his "team", knows about all its problems and solves them.

2. Provide. A man must remember this great responsibility. The function of material support is one of the most ancient male functions, because. it appeared with the emergence of the patriarchal family; moreover, it was the appointment of a man responsible for the welfare of the house that led to the reorganization of the institution of the family into a monogamous union.

3. The economic function is a very conflictogenic function, because often men do not fulfill their household duties, but categorically refuse to let a strange man into the house to perform these duties.

4. A man must love. A woman needs proof of love all the time. Signs of attention, help around the house, communication - this is an opportunity to show your love to your wife.

5. Psychological function - a function necessary to maintain a positive atmosphere in the family; it is realized in spending free time together with family members, rest, etc.

6. Sexual function - satisfaction of the sexual needs of one's own and one's partner; often the so-called sexual incompatibility is called the cause of many divorces and breaks, but, as practice shows, this is just an excuse, the reason lies much deeper.

7. Understanding - a man must understand some things:
- it is important for a woman that a man understands that he is a provider;
- it is important for a woman that a man understands the differences between them (psychological and emotional);
- a man needs to understand that the biggest wound to a woman can be caused by ignoring, therefore attention, communication and respect are her most important needs;
- It is important for a woman to see the friendly relations of her husband with children.

8. Reproductive function - reproduction in children of the number of parents.

9. The educational function is very important, although it is often leveled; a father for children is primarily an example of behavior with women (for a boy) and an understanding of the attitude that men deserve (for a girl).

Man as father

At all times, the place of the father in the family was great and nothing could be replaced. By nature and society, every man is prepared to become a husband, a father, just like every woman is a mother and wife. A person always thinks about what will remain after him when he passes away. No wonder it is noticed that a person is like a tree, powerful with its roots. Therefore, entering into marriage, a man takes on a huge responsibility - to be a father, a support in the family.
However, with the spread of the urban way of life, in fact, more and more often, a woman, a wife, a mother, is in charge of family life. The authority of the father fell significantly, due to the reduction in his share of participation in family affairs. Modern apartments have everything and children often do not see their father's work example. His work is almost completely taken out of the family. Another thing is the mother. Although she also works in production, the working day at home also exists.
However, all the same, the father is the strength, mind and support of the family in everyday matters. Fatherhood is also a test of a man's social and moral maturity. There are always young people who marry, but are afraid of fatherhood or are not ready for it.
A child is a great test of the strength of a family. In practice, there are couples who lived normally before the birth of their first child, and after his birth worsened their communication. The husband more and more often does not appear at home, avoids the child and his wife. This may indicate the absence, underdevelopment of paternal feelings or paternal culture, although unpleasant, but without being something pathological.
In fairness, it can be noted that the feeling of fatherhood is born somewhat later than the feeling of motherhood. Aristotle noticed that men become truly fathers later than women become mothers. Young people rarely leave their wives due to the lack of children.
More often this is manifested in men with a developed spirit of ownership, who want to have heirs, their continuation on earth.
In our time, the Russian reality is such that in kindergartens and schools mostly women work with children, and the lack of male influence on children is becoming tangible. Even a short absence of a father leads to the fact that children (especially boys) begin to develop cowardice, isolation, isolation, stubbornness, and aggressiveness. Therefore, fathers must make up for the lack of their influence in family relationships. Otherwise, education will be flawed.
etc.................

5.6. Distribution of roles in the family between husband and wife

Who is the head of the family - husband or wife? The content of the concept of family headship is associated with the implementation of managerial (administrative) functions: general management of family affairs, making responsible decisions regarding the family as a whole, regulating intra-family relations, choosing the method of raising children, distributing the family budget, etc.

At the same time, there are two types of leadership: patriarchal (the head of the family is necessarily the husband) and egalitarian (in the family, leadership is carried out jointly).

Where the wife is in charge, there the husband roams the neighbors.

Russian proverb

A study of this issue by N.F. Fedotova (1981) revealed that 27.5% of men and 20% of women noted male dominance, and the number of families where both spouses considered the husband the head of the family was only 13% of the total sample. Women's headship was indicated more often by wives than by husbands (25.7% and 17.4%, respectively), and the spouses' opinions coincided only in 8.6% of families. Women were more in favor of joint leadership than men (25.7% and 18.4%, respectively). At the same time, the coincidence of opinions about joint headship was in 27% of families. In more than half of the cases, there was a discrepancy in opinion about who was the head of the family: the husband considered himself to be the head of the family, and the wife considered herself to be, which often created a conflict situation.

Piplo and her colleagues (Peplau, Rubin, Hill, 1977) classified married people and divided them into groups of egalitarian marriages, traditional marriages, and modern marriages. Egalitarian marriages include<…>equal distribution of power among partners; traditional gender roles are not respected in such marriages. Gray-Little and Burks (Gray-Little and Burks, 1983) identified two types of egalitarian marriages: syncratic and autonomous. Syncratic relationships characterize the pattern of marriage, where husband and wife have equal power and jointly make decisions in all areas (for example, raising children, upcoming vacations, and financial alignment). The autonomous pattern characterizes an egalitarian relationship where the wife and husband have power and authority in different areas.

In a traditional marriage, the husband is more dominant than the woman; both partners retain traditional gender roles. In traditional marriages, wives make independent decisions in everything related to housekeeping and raising children. Husbands have complete authority over family decisions (Gray-Little & Burks, 1983).

Husbands tend to be less dominant in modern marriages. Traditional gender roles are being modified somewhat. In this type of marriage, the husband is tolerant of his wife's work. However, if, for example, the child falls ill, the husband takes it for granted that the wife will not go to work and will sit with the child (Peplau et al., 1977).

Gray-Little and Burks found that in marriages in which the wife has strong power, partners are less satisfied than in egalitarian or traditional marriages.<…>One explanation for such data is that marriages with a dominant wife oppose cultural norms.

M. Naludi, 2003, pp. 256–257.

When comparing the data of studies conducted in our country over the past decades, the following dynamics are clearly visible: the older the age of the respondents, the more common is the opinion that the family should be built according to the egalitarian type.

According to G. V. Lozova and N. A. Rybakova (1998), adolescent boys more often than girls of the same age believe that the husband should be the head of the family (respectively, 53 and 36%); if preference is given to the mother (which happens less often), then girls do it more often than boys (20% and 6%, respectively). At the same time, that part of the boys who have realized themselves as representatives of the male sex gravitate to such a distribution of roles. The same boys who have not yet managed to completely identify their gender equally often prefer both patriarchy in the family and biarchy (that is, they believe that both father and mother can be the head of the family). The same trend is observed among girls: the semi-identified group believes that a woman should be the head of the family, while the rest of the girls gravitate towards gender equality.

With growing up, the view of the headship in the family of a husband or wife changes somewhat. So, according to N. V. Lyakhovich, young men believe that either the husband should be the head of the family (35% of answers), or there should be equality of heads (biarchy) - 65% of answers. The same trend is observed in the responses of girls (husband - 23%, biarchy - 73%) with the difference that 4% named their wife as the head of the family.

Among those who are married, even fewer respondents give headship in the family to their husbands. According to T. A. Gurko (1996), this was done by 18% of grooms, 9% of brides. Among men, patriarchal views are mainly (about 40%) held by people from the village and having only a secondary education. Studies conducted from 1991 to 2000 at Magnitogorsk University showed that young men are more oriented towards the traditional, patriarchal model, while girls are more oriented towards the egalitarian model of distribution of family roles.

According to studies conducted in our country, from 15 to 30% of women over the age of 30 declare themselves the head of the family, while only 2–4% of their husbands and 7% of adult children recognize this.

These responses reflect the currently emerging gradual transition from the patriarchal type of family organization, when only a man was its head, to a democratic one, which is based on the legal and economic equality of men and women. These management functions are not concentrated in the hands of one of the spouses, but are distributed more or less evenly between husband and wife (3. A. Yankova, 1979). Despite this trend, there are still many families where the husband plays the leading role, as before, although in many ways this leadership is of a formal nature (A. G. Kharchev, 1979; Z. A. Yankova, 1979). There are also families where the head is the wife.

From the divorce application: “Novitskaya is my director of work. But at home she remains the director, despite my objections that at home she should be a wife.

Decision-making in the family can be an objective criterion for the headship of a husband or wife. T. A. Gurko (1996) believes that at present, in almost all areas of family life, the wife makes decisions more often than the husband. However, in the study by M.Yu. Harutyunyan (1987), it was revealed that whether the decisive vote belongs to the husband or wife depends on the type of family (Table 5.3).

Table 5.3. Decision making in the family, percentage of cases

As can be seen from the data in the table, in egalitarian families, decisions are more often made by husband and wife jointly, regardless of the sphere of life. In traditional families, this concerns only leisure. In the financial and economic spheres, most often the decision is made by the wife. Similar data were also obtained by foreign researchers: the distribution of family income is more often carried out by one wife, less often - jointly with her husband, regardless of the type of headship (N. Gunter, V. Gunter, 1990). In cases where the wife ascribes headship to herself, she evaluates the qualities of her husband much lower than in other types of headship and, naturally, lower than her own qualities. This decrease in ratings is observed in all personal qualities, but it is especially clearly expressed in assessments of the volitional and intellectual properties of the husband's personality, as well as the qualities that characterize his attitude to industrial and domestic work. The wife, as it were, is forced to take on the leadership, not because she wants it and is suitable for this role, but because the husband cannot cope with these duties. Men recognize the supremacy of a wife because they see in her the presence of those qualities that are inherent in a man, namely strong-willed and business qualities.

An interesting example was given in the Komsomolskaya Pravda newspaper. In 100 families surveyed, 90 women identified themselves as the head of the family, and their husbands confirmed this. Ten husbands tried to claim the headship, but almost all the wives objected to them. And only one woman said that the head of the family is her husband. It was decided to reward this only lucky person out of 100 by inviting him to choose a gift. And then the husband, turning to his wife, asked: “What do you think, Maria, which one is better to choose?” So the only head of the family did not take place.

V. T. Lisovsky, 1986, pp. 100–101.

Recognition of the primacy of the husband is associated with women with a high assessment by them of his business, strong-willed and intellectual qualities. Men associate their dominance with a high assessment of their "family and household" qualities and a low assessment of the business, intellectual and strong-willed qualities of their wife. At the same time, they believe that these qualities are not important for a wife, therefore, giving them a low rating, husbands do not seek to belittle the dignity of their wives.

At the same time, the recognition of a husband or wife as the head of the family did not mean at all that all managerial functions were concentrated in their hands. In fact, there was a distribution of functions between husband and wife. The material support of the family in all types of headship is recognized as the leading role of the husband, but only in the case when the discrepancy between the earnings of the husband and wife is large. The dominance of the husband in the family is associated with his superiority in the level of education, social activity, and satisfaction with the profession. If the level of education and social activity is higher for the wife, then she dominates the family.

Stereotype of ideas about the distribution of family responsibilities. Patriarchal relations in the family, that is, the primacy of the husband, have existed in Rus' and other countries for a long time. In the distant past, the relationship of spouses was regulated very clearly. In the literary monument of Ancient Rus' "Domostroy" (XVI century), the family roles of husband and wife are described in detail. Moral standards were the same for them, but the spheres of activity were strictly divided: the husband is the head, he has the right to teach his wife and children and even punish them physically, the wife must be hardworking, a good housewife and ask her husband's advice in everything. However, in fact, wives often had great influence on their husbands and commanded in the family.

L. N. Tolstoy said that there is a strange, rooted delusion that cooking, sewing, washing, and taking care of children are exclusively women's business and that it is a shame for a man to do the same. Meanwhile, L. N. Tolstoy believed, the opposite is shameful: a man, often unoccupied, spends time on trifles or does nothing, while a tired, often weak pregnant woman cooks, launders or nurses a sick child through force.

With the development of capitalist relations in society, the requirements for the role of wife and husband have also changed. They became less rigid, and expressive roles were assigned not only to the wife, but also to the husband (T. Gurko, P. Boss, 1995).

Shifts in the consciousness of society also occur over shorter periods of time. Sometimes two or three decades are enough. So, if in 1967 57% of American freshmen agreed that it is better to limit the activities of a married woman to home and family, then in 1994 only 25% agreed with this (D. Myers, 2001). In 1938, only one in five Americans approved of a working woman, and in 1993, such women were approved by 86% of men. In 1965, the share of domestic work for men was 15%, and after 20 years - already 33% (Robinson, 1988). True, these shifts in the consciousness of society are not noticeable in all countries. The participation of husbands is largely determined by the ethnic group to which they belong. Thus, in the US, black men do 40% of housework, men of Hispanic origin - 36%, white men - 34% (Shelton, John, 1993). In Japan, the husband devotes on average only 4 hours a week to household chores, while in Sweden - up to 18 hours a week.

The purpose of our study was to identify gender representations and their potential implementation in the structure of family relations. We were also interested in information on the degree of admissibility of the single-parent family option in future family relationships for boys and girls. We used the survey method.

The respondents included 123 first-year students of the Novozybkovsky branch of the Belarusian State University named after academician I. G. Petrovsky, including 66 boys and 57 girls aged 17–18 years.

In the course of an empirical study of ideas about gender roles in adolescence, a working hypothesis was formulated: ideas about the gender roles of boys and girls are determined by their gender, the characteristics of the social environment, including the place of residence (in our case, the respondents live in the district center and adjacent areas) .

As a result of the analysis of the data obtained by us, several role positions in the structure of family relations were identified.

Thus, the financial support of the family in this sample was identified with a man, in contrast to the results of similar studies conducted among young people living in large cities, where there is a tendency towards self-sufficiency and material independence. According to 63% of girls and 59% of boys, a man should provide financial support for the family.

In the upbringing of children, the woman traditionally occupies the main place, 67% of girls and 59% of boys think so. However, many respondents noted the importance of participation in the educational process of both parents, regardless of gender.

The role of the head of the family in this sample was assigned almost equally to both men and women; 48% of girls left this role for themselves and 52% gave it to a man; 54% of young men believe that the head of the family is a man and 46% - a woman. Such results are to some extent explained by the functions that, according to the respondents, the head of the family performs: from financing and distribution of income to making decisions on various significant issues, including economic ones.

Despite the fact that the majority of survey participants associated housekeeping with a woman (53% of girls and 73% of boys), some part distributed these responsibilities equally between men and women.

As for the problems of an incomplete family, we obtained the following data: the majority of young men believe that the family should be complete (82%), and only 18% allow themselves the option of an incomplete family. Among the girls, the following results were obtained: the majority (71%) considers the option of an incomplete family acceptable for themselves, and only 29% expressed the opposite point of view. Thus, such results confirm the sad statistics: according to various sources, up to 80% of divorce applications are filed by women.

Yu. A. Shevtsova, 2008, pp. 748–749.

These data show that it has not yet been possible to finally bury the sex-role stereotypes that have existed for centuries. Therefore, they exist even in children. Interesting data was obtained by German scientists regarding what family responsibilities are considered maternal and paternal children of 4–5 years old: 86% of the children surveyed answered that cooking is the mother’s business, and reading books, according to 82% of the children, is the father’s privilege. 83% of babies consider shopping as a mother's job, and 82% consider reading newspapers a father's job. Only one child out of 150 respondents said that washing clothes is a man's job; 80% of children believed that drinking beer and smoking is a father's privilege.

The founder of the Italian Association of Household Husbands (Home Managers) argued that many men who stayed at home to do housework while their wives worked felt ashamed of themselves and the role they played. “Many men come to me anonymously and admit that they are householders. It looks as if they have sinned and we can confess” (Aries, 2004).

Similar data were obtained by domestic psychologists. For example, when studying the value orientations of young people in various regions of Russia (T. G. Pospelova, 1996), it was found that 49% of boys and 30% of girls chose the traditional (patriarchal) family model. The egalitarian model of the family, where the husband and wife are equally involved in both household and professional activities, was chosen by 47% of boys and 66% of girls.

According to T.V. Andreeva and T.Yu. Pipchenko (2000), more than half of women consider a woman responsible for fulfilling the role of educator of children, housewife, “psychotherapist”; 56% of men and 50% of women rated the role of a man in the family as a provider of material resources, a third of men and women believe that both spouses should provide material resources. There were also those who believe that the wife should take on this mission (10% of men and 16% of women); 40% of men and women believe that spouses should share each of the roles in the family equally.

The interviewed women were divided into two groups: 1) women aged 18 to 30; 2) women aged 45 to 56 years. The results of the study showed that, according to the declared attitudes, women of two generations gravitate towards egalitarian views: about 80% of the representatives of both subgroups would prefer that both husband and wife work and share household chores equally. And only 20% of women would prefer that the husband earn money, and they would take care of the household. Most believe that children should be raised by both parents - among the older generation, 83% answered this way, and among young women - 97%. At the same time, 17% of older women believe that children should be raised first of all by the father (among young women, no one answered this way), and 3% of young women said that children should be raised first of all by the mother<…>

The majority of women in both subgroups believe that the family is stronger if the husband and wife are equal in the family (83% of young women and 60% of older women answered this way). Older women are more traditional - 40% of them answered that the family is stronger if the head is a man, but 10% of young people believe that it is better if a woman is the head of the family<…>

The most important value, according to women, is the community of interests in the family.<…>All the interviewed women assume that the family needs a concurrence of opinions, interests, values, ways of spending leisure time. In the second place in terms of importance among women of the older generation, the attitude to dominance in the household sphere is noted, and for young women this value occupies the penultimate place - they consider this function of marriage as secondary, but they have a much higher rank of expectation of the participation of a spouse in economic affairs (6th place among young women, 16th - among women of the older group)<…>

Young women have a greater degree of attitude towards personal activity outside the family (5th and 15th ranks, respectively) and less attitude towards the activity of their spouse outside the family (10th rank of significance in young women, 4th rank in older women)<…>

Women of the older group take on the function of the emotional leader of the family to a greater extent (6th and 15th ranks, respectively) and, to a lesser extent, expect emotional participation from their spouse<…>

In general, we can conclude that there are differences between the age groups of women, but they are small, and the older age group tends to a greater extent to the patriarchal model of the family.

T. V. Andreeva, M. M. Ioffe, 2004, pp. 336–337.

I. V. Grebennikov (1991) identifies three types of distribution of family roles:

2. Autonomous - husband and wife distribute roles among themselves and try not to interfere in each other's sphere of influence.

3. Democratic - family management lies with both spouses equally.

I. V. Shtyleva (2008) studied the attitude of high school students to fulfilling the role of a parent and raising children. It was found that “the traditional distribution of household chores leads to the fact that adolescents exhibit gender stereotypes and acquire different skills based on their gender. They believe that men and women should play different roles and have different psychological qualities. As a result, they strive to master various skills depending on their gender, and as a result [men - E. I.] may be ill-prepared for the diverse roles they are likely to play in the future. Gender roles and a sex-based division of labor promote child-rearing skills in girls but not in boys. It should be noted that the uneven distribution of household obligations is influenced by the characteristics of socialization, as a result of which young men do not know how to clean, cook or treat children. Early experience of socialization may have prevented young men from mastering the skills needed to do household chores. Girls are asked to do more housework than boys and are significantly more involved in cooking, laundry and cleaning. In addition, because children pay more attention to patterns related to their gender, boys do not attach much importance to what their mother does and do not model her behavior. As a result, they do not assimilate the more detailed patterns of household chores that female representatives master” (p. 346).

This quote reflects a purely feminist approach to family responsibilities. For some reason, the author is not worried that girls do not attach much importance to what their father does, and do not develop the skills of repair and construction work, the ability to understand a car, electrical household appliances, etc.

In fact, surveys of married couples show otherwise. According to L. I. Artemyeva (2007), the spouses believe that the main family functions of men are the repair of an apartment and household appliances, and the financial support of the family. Women, on the other hand, should be mainly employed in the household sphere and consider washing dishes, cleaning and buying groceries as their main tasks. This distribution of responsibilities is typical for both men and women, regardless of the type of marriage (official or civil).

A. V. Petrovsky gave such an example on the pages of the Izvestia newspaper. “A popular science film was shot on family relationships. He was called: "... And happiness in his personal life." The film crew was faced with the task of identifying the nature of the distribution of responsibilities in the family. Of course, it was possible to ask questions directly, but psychologists are well aware that the answers to such questions can not be trusted very much - often the wishful thinking is presented as real. Then we decided to act through the kids. In kindergarten, a “game” was offered. The kids were given a lot of color pictures depicting household items: pots, a TV set, a hammer, plates, an armchair, a tape recorder, a meat grinder, a needle, a newspaper, a vacuum cleaner, a shopping bag with groceries, and they were asked to select “dad’s pictures” and “mum’s pictures” . And immediately everything became clear. For dad, many, many kids made up a “gentleman's set”: a TV, a newspaper, an armchair, an ottoman, and sometimes a hammer and nails. The mothers were left with everything else: pots, plates, a vacuum cleaner, a meat grinder, a shopping bag, and so on. On the screen, this selection of things looked impressive. But what kind of family team can we talk about if the father after work takes a nap under the TV with a newspaper on his knees, and the mother works out her second shift? Children observe this and draw conclusions ... "

V. T. Lisovsky, 1986 S. 101.

On the way to the bedroom...

Husband and wife watch TV in the evening, the wife says: "I'm tired, it's late, I'll go to sleep."

On her way to the bedroom, she goes into the kitchen to make sandwiches for tomorrow morning, throws out the leftover popcorn, pulls meat out of the fridge for tomorrow's dinner, removes the sugar, puts the forks and spoons back, leaves the coffee in the coffee maker for the morning.

She puts wet clothes in the dryer, dirty clothes in the wash, irons her shirt and finds her missing sweater. She picks up the newspapers from the floor, folds the toys, puts the phone book back. She waters the flowers, takes out the trash, hangs up a towel to dry. Stopping near the desk, she writes a note to school, checks how much money is in her wallet, removes the book from the chair. She signs a happy birthday card for her friends, writes a list of groceries to buy at the store. Then she washes off her makeup.

The husband shouts from the room: “I thought you went to bed…”, she replies: “I'm going…” She pours water for the dog into a bowl, cleans up after the cat, then checks the doors. She comes in to look at the children, turns off their lamp, collects the children's dirty clothes, asks if they have done their homework for tomorrow. In her room, she prepares clothes for herself for tomorrow. Then he adds three things to do tomorrow to his list.

At this very time, the husband turns off the TV and says to himself: "Well, that's it, I'm going to bed" - and he goes.

A source: Gatherings. 1999. No. 7–8. S. 16.

According to O. B. Berezina (2010), young spouses imagine their interaction as follows: when making decisions, 83% of respondents believe that spouses should negotiate with each other; 14% think that everyone should be responsible for their own sphere in the family, and 11% entrust decision-making to the husband. When dividing responsibilities, 58% of respondents believe that both spouses should both work and manage the household; 29% believe that a wife can work if she wishes, but she should take on most of the household chores, adding that this does not exclude her husband's active help; 11% believe that the husband should work, and the wife should do housework.

Real distribution of homework. According to foreign studies, working wives perform an average of 69% of household chores (Sh. Berg, 2001).

Similar data were obtained by domestic scientists (O. Dudchenko et al., 1995) (Table 5.4).

Table 5.4. Time spent (hours per week) on domestic work (working population) in the USSR

It is also important that a woman's household chores are everyday (cooking, washing dishes, caring for a child, etc.), while men's household duties are episodic (make repairs, move a heavy thing, etc.). .) and allow them to manage their time more freely.

From childhood, parents inspire the girl: be independent, proud, demanding, get an education, look for an interesting, favorite job. Everything is correct.

But to prepare for the fact that you have to become a wife, mother, mistress, some parents forget ...

“From childhood, I was raised like a boy. The commander of the detachment, the chairman of the council of the squad, the Komsomol organizer of the class - all this is me. From school I got used to being a leader, I got used to lead. No one ever reminded me that I would be the mistress of the house, wife, mother, either at school or at the institute. The result is obvious: I still do not like to cook, although I have 2.5 years of marriage behind me. I was lucky: I have a smart, understanding and helping husband in everything. But, my God, how difficult it is for him to be with me! After all, I am a professional only at work, and at home I am incompetent. Nina R.

V. T. Lisovsky, 1986. S. 79.

Over the course of a year, a group of statisticians recorded how much work one housewife does to take care of her husband and two children. The results were amazing.

In a year, she washes 18,000 knives, forks and spoons, 13,000 plates and 3,000 pots and pans. She not only cleans these appliances, but also takes them out of the cupboard, puts them on the table, puts them back and, thus, carries a load with a total weight of about 5 tons.

With the help of special devices, they also measured the distance that a housewife has to cover in a day. If the family lives in an ordinary two-room apartment, then the housewife takes an average of about 10 thousand steps a day, and if in a house with an estate, then more than 17 thousand steps. If we add to this going to the market, then in a year she has to travel a distance of almost 2 thousand kilometers.

A source: Knowledge is power. 1982. No. 6. S. 33.

According to E. V. Foteeva (1987), young husbands with a higher level of education help their wives more often. At the same time, when children reach school age, assistance to wives is significantly reduced, and often stops. In general, notes E.V. Foteeva (1990), there is a stereotyped differentiation of the images of a “good husband” and a “good wife”: the husband is more often seen as a breadwinner, and the wife as the keeper of the family hearth.