What to do if a guy is offended. What a man can be offended by How to behave with a man who offended
What destroys relationships. How resentment manifests itself in men and women is the second article in the series “Resentment is a destructive feeling.”
At the heart of any conflict of misunderstanding and non-acceptance is resentment. But what destroys relationships is not even the resentment itself, but what men and women do on its basis, the way they show it towards each other.
What are men and women offended by?
There is something in relationships that is equally valuable for both men and women. And there are things that are important for men, but do not have the same meaning for women and vice versa. It is these differences that people react to most.
A man gets offended when:
Feels and sees mistrust and control towards himself on the part of women. When he is told what and how to do correctly.
Feels inattention, which manifests itself through the woman’s coldness and indifference to his words and deeds - work. When he regularly does not receive affectionate touches, but is denied sex.
He is faced with disrespect for himself, which a woman shows by criticizing his ideas, actions, etc. It doesn’t matter together or in front of others, a man is equally hurt by any criticism. And also the lack of praise for what has been done and recognition of his merits.
There is no support for his views, opinions, ideas and actions.
His expectations are not met.
A woman gets offended when:
Feels and sees inattention towards himself: to changes in appearance, prepared food, feelings, words. When she feels indifference and coldness, when a man rarely hugs her.
She feels disrespect towards herself, which manifests itself through ignoring household chores and worries on the part of the man - disrespect for the woman who is the housewife. When she hears swearing and rudeness in her presence towards others and towards her. When she is criticized in front of other people.
She faces humiliation when a man allows himself to be rude, shout, curse and insult her. When he humiliates her with his words and actions, cheats, betrays her feelings, faith and trust.
Her expectations are not met.
How resentment manifests itself in men and women
The reactions of offended women and men coincide in some ways and differ in others. We suggest looking at them in more detail to understand how to react correctly.
Manifestation of resentment in a man:
The first and most common reaction is to ignore, when a man ignores the entire situation, pretending that nothing happened. At the same time, he closes himself, retires and stops talking. He becomes cold, demonstrating in every possible way pride, inaccessibility, busyness and indifference: “I am impregnable, like a rock, you won’t get to me.”
The next common reaction of a man when he is offended is to go somewhere else so as not to have to explain himself.
Less often, men show resentment through shouting, anger, rage, irritation, and complaints.
And the last stage of manifestation of resentment is alcohol, cigarettes and drugs, virtual games and gambling - that is.
Without showing his feelings, a man locks all negativity and all grievances inside himself. At the same time, pain and resentment do not go away, but over time they only grow and are fueled. As a result, this leads to heart attacks, strokes, high blood pressure, cancer, ulcers, prostatitis and even impotence.
Manifestation of resentment in a woman:
The first and most common reaction of a woman is to make complaints: “You don’t understand me, you don’t listen, you don’t support me, you don’t want to be involved in my interests, you don’t want to do something together, etc.” Thus, the woman announces to the man what bothers her, what she does not understand in the relationship.
Often a woman's resentment manifests itself in tears.
Also, women often close themselves off, retire and remain silent, digesting what happened. They demonstrate inaccessibility and indifference in every possible way: “Don’t come near me, I’m offended,” “I’m cold as an iceberg, and there’s no warmth for you in me,” so that the man feels guilty.
Some women, offended, engage in endless watching of melodramas, reading romance novels, etc.
Less often, complete ignoring of a man is included.
And very rarely - eating a grudge.
Psychology of resentment in men and women
In addition to external manifestations, it is very important to take into account and understand what is happening inside, what is the background of the offense in men and women, how it differs.
Psychology of a man in an offensive situation:
Men very often do not admit that they are offended, considering themselves above it. That’s why they pretend that nothing happened, portraying coldness and inaccessibility.
There is also the opposite manifestation, when a man blames himself for what happened, believes that he hurt and “eats himself.” At the same time, he rarely takes the next step and thinks about what can be done to correct the situation; it is easier for him to pretend again that nothing happened.
Most often, a man understands that he was wrong and hurt the woman, but admitting this is beyond his strength. It is easier to show that he is insensitive and cold than to admit that he was wrong about something. It is very difficult for a man to ask for forgiveness.
To correct the situation, the man either does nothing or uses the usual pattern: he says “sorry” and gives flowers. Sometimes something other than a bouquet acts as a gift and apology. In family life this often does not happen either.
Men do not tend to work deeply with feelings and experience feelings, so it is easier to escape from a conflict than to look for a way out and how to fix it.
Psychology of a woman in an offensive situation:
The external manifestations and internal state of a woman are very different.
Internally, she is always very worried, experiences mental pain, very often blames herself for what happened, considers her behavior unworthy: “I am a bad wife, housewife, mother, etc.”
Almost always, a woman is looking for a way out to somehow correct the situation and improve relationships. And even if outwardly a woman pretends that nothing happened, internally she is very worried.
To correct the situation: asks for forgiveness and calls for a conversation in order to clarify everything, reads books and websites on psychology, undergoes various trainings.
Women are characterized by deep inner work, so it is easier for them to engage in soul-searching and study the reasons for behavior and feelings.
Attention! We do not compare the behavior and psychology of men and women. We don’t say that someone is better or worse, someone is right and someone is wrong. We are simply trying to show and explain the difference in the psychology of a man and a woman in an offensive situation, and how this affects their behavior and relationships.
What destroys relationships. Exit
One of the most important conditions for an ecological way out of grievances in a relationship is the recognition that I am offended, that I do not understand something in the relationship, that I do not accept it.
Then it is important to take the next step and stop manipulating the resentment and using it to achieve your personal benefits.
And finally, want to correct the situation, find a way out that is favorable for both. Stop doing things that are sure to cause an offensive reaction.
It is important to take into account the main nuances of male and female psychology:
- A man's attention is always primarily directed to external actions.
- A woman’s attention is always primarily directed to internal work and internal changes.
How can men respond to women’s grievances so that the situation is resolved quickly and simply:
It is important to pay attention to a woman's feelings. Listen to her carefully and with participation, without interrupting or expressing your opinion. It's best to be silent and look into her eyes. Be sure to hug, caress like a little girl, tell about your love, how stupid, smart and beautiful she is. One does not contradict the other in the female worldview.
It is important to be wiser and not react to all her claims and hurtful words, not to take it personally as a man. Because a woman who is offended is always inadequate. When she is offended, it is not the soul and spirit that speaks in her, but a mask - a mug, which, with the help of offensive words, tries to cling to a similar mug (program) inside a man. If he turned on and fell for it, it means he was hooked and also offended. It is important to be stronger and wiser than women’s resentment, and not to be fooled by women’s weaknesses.
How women can properly respond to male grievances:
Show respect by agreeing with everything he says and do not contradict him under any circumstances, do not give advice or offer help. It is advisable to nod your head, confirming agreement, and look devotedly into the eyes during a conversation.
It is important not to react to all his insults and hurtful words, not to take it personally. Because a man who is offended is always inadequate. It is not his soul and spirit that speaks in him, but a mask - a mug, which, with the help of offensive words, tries to cling to a similar mug (program) inside a woman.
Cook what he likes and feed him delicious food when he returns. Caress, rub your back or give a relaxing massage.
*****
Naturally, all this will not eradicate the cause of resentment and conflict, but it will also not allow it to develop into a break in relations.
In order to prevent such situations from appearing or to be minimal in relationships, it is important to work with yourself, cleansing the soul and subconscious of pain and resentment. After all, they accumulate in everyone from a very early age and begin with grievances against oneself, father and mother, moving into relationships with women and men in adulthood.
In progress lining up relationship with a person of the opposite sex, we try to understand the peculiarities of his thinking and the reasons for certain actions. You can often hear that it is almost impossible to understand a woman, because her mood is constantly changing, and the words she said 10 minutes ago may mean absolutely nothing at the moment.
However, if you look into nuances, then you can clearly understand that male psychology is also special. To understand a man, it is not enough to ask him questions and analyze his answers, because it often happens that a man says not at all what he thinks. Here it is important to observe, analyze and build on generally accepted psychological facts. A man's actions can cause bewilderment, because sometimes it is difficult for him to understand even himself. In order to improve relations with your beloved young man, it is important to understand what he may be offended by, and what words and actions towards him should sometimes be abandoned. Men's resentment also exists, just like women's, but the truth is veiled and has a hidden character.
It is generally accepted that women are most often offended. The phrase “I came up with it myself - I was offended by myself” is almost a catchphrase. However, if we take a closer look at the phenomenon of resentment, we will be convinced that it has no gender identity. Both women and men can be offended. And as practice shows, a touchy man in the modern world is not at all uncommon. Let's talk about it on this page www.site
So what is resentment?
Resentment is a feeling when you have been unfairly, undeservedly caused grief. It is closely related to the feeling of being passed over, pushed into the background. Of course it hurts. The expression of resentment often has the character of a call: “Look at the pain you caused me! Feel remorse and regret it!” In this address one can clearly read the aggression that resentment always contains.
Aggression can be directed inward (“How could I allow myself to be treated like this!”) and outward: the desire to punish, restore justice, and inflict a proportionate wound. This is the essence of resentment when viewed under the gaze of psychology. It turns out that it doesn’t matter who is offended: a man or a woman, because their feelings will be similar. However, their behavior strategies and reactions will vary greatly.
How is a woman offended?
Women in our society have an invaluable right to express their emotions and not be shy about expressing their feelings. And the offended person is simply supposed to throw out the negativity on the tormentor. Often women have better developed internal contact with themselves, and they are better able to recognize what exactly they are feeling. Finding yourself offended and being able to convey this information to your partner is the most effective way to at least partially get rid of unpleasant feelings.
It is possible that the insult serves the function of manipulation and is not sincere. In this case, the woman needs to establish control over the behavior of the other, for example, make him guilty.
How is a man offended?
A man, unlike a woman, traditionally should be more restrained and patient. All the stereotypes imposed by society, such as: “A man never cries,” encourage him to keep his feelings inside and not throw them out. It turns out that the woman will not even know that she has committed an action that is unpleasant to her partner. An unexpressed experience can simmer inside for a long time and break out in the form of a storm of negative emotions, which will lead to the destruction of close relationships in a couple. From this we can conclude that it is better not to offend a man. But how to do that? Try to avoid moments that could provoke humiliation.
What can offend a man?
Criticizing a man’s sexual abilities or comparing him with another (former) partner;
negative statements about his hobby;
ignoring his questions or the habit of leaving his questions unanswered;
bad reviews about your partner’s loved ones (his mother, sister, girlfriends);
devaluation of his (even inappropriate and useless) gifts - he sincerely wanted to please his woman!
accusations that he is not reliable or independent enough;
an attempt to give him advice at a time when the chosen one is busy with business.
Unfortunately, this list cannot be completed, since there are a huge number of reasons for being offended. For example, a husband may be upset that he washed the car (finally it looks like a means of transportation, not a wreck!), but the wife did not celebrate this important event and did not praise it. Or a young man invited a girl to the cinema to see a film, which after the screening she criticized to smithereens. The reason can be anything.
It is important to remember that resentment can be caused by any situation that threatens your partner's self-worth and makes him feel left out or left out.
Negative consequences of resentment in close relationships:
1. Constant touchiness is annoying. It seems to a woman that she is building a relationship not with an adult, but with a five-year-old child.
2. The occurrence of frequent grievances is a marker that not everything is good in life and in relationships. This is a problem that needs to be solved, not avoided.
3. You may feel misunderstood and unappreciated. Then why continue such a relationship?
4. Unexpressed and unprocessed resentment can lead to various psychosomatic diseases.
5. The desire to strike back: to hurt the one who dared to offend.
6. The risk of developing strong negative feelings towards your partner: from irritation to hatred.
Hatred becomes the point at which the relationship must end sooner or later. Despite the saying “From love to hate there is only one step,” true love and hatred are incompatible.
What do we call hatred?
This feeling is based on acute rejection, hostility and disgust. It becomes clear that the person you hate should not be in your life. And he must disappear from there as quickly as possible. Hatred can be called the other side of love. These are absolutely two different poles. Actually, this is why intimacy with a person who arouses hatred in us is impossible. And without intimacy it will not be possible to build harmonious relationships.
Hatred is not the cause of resentment, but is its consequence. In general, hatred will always be a consequence of thoughts and actions that create a discrepancy between our perception and existing reality. Who is to blame for this feeling? Partner? Or the man himself?
We have to admit that the person himself bears responsibility for the origin of destructive aggression. After all, he actually admitted that his resentment grew into a negative feeling: “Only I am responsible for everything that happens in my life. If something arose that I hated, only I let it into my life.”
If the situation with the emergence of hatred towards a partner after a strong offense is repeated, then the problem must be solved. And, unfortunately, the simplest solution - changing your partner - will not be the most effective, since the same thing may happen again in the next relationship. Ideally, it is necessary to work through the main points in which negative feelings appear with a specialist, since a man’s resentment towards a woman as a cause of hatred can further destroy even the best relationships.
How to deal with male resentment?
We see that frequent touchiness can cause serious damage to any close relationship. Nevertheless, every person regularly encounters manifestations of resentment. Of course, we won't be able to get rid of it completely, but we can take steps to help reduce the risk of its occurrence.
If you have the feeling that your partner is offended, try to solve the problem immediately, do not put it off until later, clarify the situation.
It doesn't matter whether you feel guilty or not, explain your motivation, what you wanted to do and why you did it that way. Most likely, you did not intend to cause pain.
Apologize.
Try to remember what your partner reacts to and try to avoid similar situations.
Try to create close contact: hug your man, tell him that he is very dear to you.
In any case, conduct a constructive dialogue and maintain control over your own emotions.
Sometimes it’s enough to just wait, giving the other time and distance. This is enough to calm down and think everything over (especially when the offense is trivial).
Be patient and remember the warm feelings you truly feel for this person.
As you can see, resentment can and should be dealt with. This work may not be very pleasant and sometimes boring (“Why should I treat him like a crystal vase?!”), but a good, warm relationship is worth it.
Resolving conflicts and mutual grievances is an extremely delicate process. There are many nuances here that it is advisable to take into account. The main question, of course, is how to return the relationship to normal and is it worth doing?
First you need to impartially assess the situation. So the guy got offended. As a result, his behavior boiled down to completely ignoring the girl, he doesn’t talk, doesn’t answer calls, and pretends that she doesn’t exist at all. The girl, in turn, does not always understand why this happened, or sincerely believes that the guy’s reaction does not correspond to the degree of her offense. Sometimes, on the contrary, she understands perfectly well that she is to blame, but does not know what to do. To better navigate the current situation, it is worth considering several characteristic causes and lines of development of the conflict.
Line one – justified grievance
What's happening
This is the most obvious version of a conflict situation, but not the simplest. The girl said, did (or didn’t do) something that hurt the guy to the core. He was so shocked that he could not find the strength and desire in himself to even talk to the girl about this or anything at all. In this case, it is necessary to assess the “scale of the disaster,” namely, to find out whether the situation is fixable, whether what has been done can be changed, and if so, how.
If the consequences are irreversible, again think about whether they are compatible with subsequent friendly or personal communication. Because if the offense objectively goes beyond the scope and makes further communication at the same level impossible, then the girl has few options for behavior in this case. But specific actions will be discussed below. At this stage, the goal is the most complete analysis.
When building a line of behavior in such a situation, a girl should understand that such an acute reaction on the part of a guy indicates that he is not indifferent to her. There is no need to pointedly ignore a person for whom you do not feel any emotions. However, there is no need to drag out the situation in the hope that everything will resolve itself, since the guy can either really become convinced that the girl is not worth talking to and cross her off the list of interests, or forgive the offense, but actually hide it somewhere deeper. And both of these options are undesirable, since there is nothing worse than unforgiven, accumulated grievances.
What to do
The best, or rather, the only correct tactics in this case are consistent with the meaning of the phrase “the sword does not cut off a guilty head.” We must ask for forgiveness, even if the relationship is objectively beyond repair. If there is an opportunity to correct the consequences of an error, it is worth using it. However, even apologizing is not so easy if a person has set out to ignore the interlocutor at any cost. Therefore, to achieve the best effect, you should divide the upcoming event into several smaller tasks and solve them sequentially.
First of all, you need to formulate your speech in advance so as not to get confused, not to say too much, and not to turn it into a series of justifications for your own actions, which are likely to aggravate the situation. In addition, this will give you confidence: even if the conversation goes in a different direction, you won’t have to mumble or choose your words. Having prepared in this way, you can begin to implement your plan. The next task is to get the guy’s attention so that he listens to the apology and can make sure that the repentance is sincere and conscious. To do this, you can tell him, without paying attention to complete ignorance on his part, something like: “You don’t have to answer anything, but I’ll still say that I was going to, and then you decide what to do.” Or, for example: “Even if we completely stop communicating now, I have to tell you.” The main thing is to pronounce the introductory phrase confidently, making it clear to the guy that this is not an attempt to sort things out, make excuses, and finally whine and complain about the circumstances. This is precisely the summing up of what happened, the last point on the girl’s part, after which the decision remains his. It is advisable to add something like “it won’t take much time” and, indeed, not to drag out the speech.
Festive video recipe:
The main stage is repentance. There is no point in apologizing, as this is appropriate when it comes to causing inconvenience. If a person has been seriously offended, it is necessary to ask for forgiveness. There is a qualitative difference between these concepts, and it is very noticeable in the process of presentation. It is not advisable to stretch out the monologue; in fact, it should reflect three main points: “I admit what I did,” “I admit that I was wrong,” “I apologize.” At the same time, one can focus on the fact that his decision is truly of great importance.
The main thing is to remember that asking for forgiveness for an offense that has actually been caused is a highly worthy act that cannot be considered humiliation or lack of character. Even if the relationship cannot be restored, it will still bring great benefits to the one who committed it.
Line two – “vulnerable” guy
What's happening
This model of the situation is not typical for a guy, however, it does occur. A guy can be cheerful, sociable, charismatic, whatever he wants, but for some reason, when communicating with a girl, he often gets into minor conflicts, every now and then he expresses dissatisfaction, finds fault, and gets offended. Sometimes a girl becomes perplexed: is this really worth fighting over? One gets the feeling that the guy is simply being capricious. Quarrels with him become commonplace. True, they are resolved quite simply, the only question is whether it is worth continuing such communication. But this is at the discretion of the girl.
Usually this behavior of a guy indicates that he lacks attention and recognition from the girl. He expects more from communicating with her, while she may not even be aware of this, considering her behavior normal and being surprised every time the guy again gets angry or offended because of a trifle. Most often, the reason for this is deep self-doubt, complexes, and childhood psychological trauma. If a girl is interested in continuing the relationship, then you can learn how to behave correctly with such a guy, help him without indulging him.
What to do
There are two options here - either end the relationship or adapt to it. If you choose the second option, then you should remember that you should not take such grievances to heart, much less get upset about them every time. However, in order to learn how to build the right relationship with such a guy, it is necessary to promptly get him out of these states, because if you do not pay attention to his offended appearance for a long time, he will be even more offended by this. Of course, this is very tiring, but it’s better to immediately tell him something like “well, stop being silent, you know that I didn’t want to offend you, on the contrary, I think that you...” and then it’s advisable to insert something positive, for example "...very talented."
Line three - causeless resentment
What's happening
Perhaps the most unpleasant of all possible options for the development of the conflict. It is characterized by the absurdity of the situation, but only at first glance. Its main characteristic feature is that the girl does not understand at all what the guy was offended by. At the same time, he shows the maximum degree of neglect, refuses to talk about the reasons for his offense and to talk at all. A girl most often makes a natural mistake, starting to go over in her mind all her possible misdeeds, voluntary and involuntary sins. Often he even suspects third parties of slandering himself, while what he needs to think about is not what he was offended by, but why he did it.
However, before drawing conclusions, you should objectively analyze your actions; if as a result you can find out the reason for the guy’s offense, then the situation is automatically transferred to the first category of “justified grievances.” If not, then most likely the following happens.
The guy unilaterally decided to interrupt communication (the reason could be any), but he didn’t have the courage to do it honestly. In addition, this rather unpleasant role of initiating a break in relations is not to everyone’s taste, so they try to avoid it if possible. It is much more prestigious to leave the relationship as a dignified victim of treacherous deception/insult.
The following signs are typical for such a situation. Firstly, the guy categorically refuses to tell the reason for his “offense.” The degree of his reaction is exaggerated, in other words, he is so “upset” that it is even difficult to imagine what could be done to cause such a reaction; it seems that he is overacting. Secondly, any attempts to find out through third parties, mutual friends, the reason for such a reaction end in failure - he is so “shocked” that he does not want to talk about it with anyone.
What to do
In this case, breathe a sigh of relief. This behavior can be translated into accessible language as the phrase “I want to end my relationship with you, but I am so cowardly that I am not humanly able to do this, please show leniency for my weakness, allow me to leave, maintaining at least a drop of dignity, if not in front of yourself, then in front of those around you.” Of course, this is unpleasant, but not as much as continuing a relationship with such a person.
The main thing is to completely, that is, absolutely rid yourself of remorse and the search for “a share of your guilt.” Staying after a breakup as a treacherous abuser is also not worth it. To do this, you need to tell the guy that his whole plan is completely obvious, further simulation is pointless. Then stop communicating with him and don’t regret it for a second.
Despite the fabulous impressions we get from optimistic communication, whether on social media or in real life, even the healthiest marriages are not 100% free of conflict. At some point, almost everyone feels resentful of their partner. It all starts with little things, perhaps they are the source of this unpleasant and bitter feeling - resentment.
Not all happy couples struggle, although some do. Men are different from women, and this is no secret. Therefore, dear women, be wise and flexible. Refrain from such phrases: “You are a slob!”, “We are late because of you!” etc. and so on. ...
2. Treat him like a child.
A big problem in married couples is often the situation when a woman treats a man like a child. This can make your man feel like he's not a "man" and can cause resentment faster than inadequacy. So avoid this kind of treatment. Perhaps they will bring you more money. And yet, no man wants to feel controlled by his wife.
3. Bringing other people into your marriage.
If you think that seemingly harmless complaints to your friends and acquaintances cannot violate your husband's trust, you are mistaken. This threatens the security of your “family bubble.” A man finds this as a humiliating and harmful activity.
4. Don't show appreciation for what he does right.
A man will never ask for it, but regular doses of praise are important. A man needs to hear that his wife is proud of him. For example, your husband took apart and laid out the dishes from the dishwasher, thereby showing you that he cares. Your task is to draw attention to this by saying a few words of praise.
While women need emotional intimacy to make love, men express emotional intimacy sexually. When a woman denies sex, or even punishes him with its absence, she humiliates a man, using sex as a bargaining chip. You run the risk of alienating your partner and receiving less love from him.
Every person can change, but it is better to focus on your own change, and not on your husband's behavior. However, women see marriage very differently. Married men have fewer problems with alcohol and drugs than single men, but don't create a relationship where your husband can't be himself. If he likes to walk around in his underpants or burp and you react painfully, he will feel trapped in a box where he has to act like a prissy girl.
7. Making important decisions without his participation.
Research shows that money is one of the main sources of disagreement between spouses, even in families with large budgets. If you are thinking about buying a dishwasher or a vacation, your partner should also know about it and discuss the topic with you. This also applies to time you and your husband plan to spend together, such as inviting friends over for dinner or attending a football game.
8. You don’t give him the opportunity to be the dad he wants to be.
Mothers often behave differently from fathers, but this is how it should be, because it is so inherent in nature. Everyone has their own parenting styles. A child must learn everything that surrounds us in this world. Therefore, if it is pampering in the form of a fight or unique developmental opportunities that your husband passes on to the child, do not be a strict mother, let the child see what is in the world.
9. Looks at other women - guilty!
Men are visual creatures, so it's not surprising when a straight man notices a beautiful woman. Women who understand this and don't take it personally minimize unproductive attacks of jealousy. When a wife reacts to a situation, her husband becomes defensive, which ultimately leads to resentment.
10. Expect immediate forgiveness after an apology.
Providing forgiveness makes a significant contribution to marital satisfaction and longevity. Beware of empty words. While an apology manages conflict, simply saying “I'm sorry” is often not enough. To truly earn forgiveness, a wife must show that she understands why her husband is upset. Be specific about what exactly you are apologizing for, while accepting full responsibility for what you did.
Source: Women's magazine “VICTORY”, psychology section.
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What are men offended by? Why do men get offended?
Despite the fact that many are sure that men are not pushable and do not get offended as often as women, in fact, they do this even more often than the fair sex. It’s just not as noticeable because of their restraint and the need to control themselves, which they were taught about in early childhood. But no one can turn off emotions, and they are just as vulnerable as the fair sex, just for slightly different reasons.
Why do men get offended?
There are no people who would not be offended by anything. Of course, there are those who are less touchy and vulnerable, and there are those who are more vulnerable. The first are distinguished by high self-esteem, know their strengths and weaknesses and do not waste time sorting out relationships or experiences that do not bring benefit but cause harm, rightly believing that this is harmful and meaningless. They were lucky to grow up in a family where parents loved each other and their child, without criticizing and without destroying his self-esteem with indifference and rudeness. Or they managed to survive internal problems, grow up and take responsibility for their lives.
They experience negative emotions, like everyone else, but they immediately deal with them, removing their source, resolving the issue that has arisen, and, without putting it off for later, turning them into grievances in order to consider themselves a victim who can derive certain benefits from this.
Those who are overly touchy are capable of being offended by anything. Their low self-esteem forces them to get what they want through victim status. And they think they can only get it if someone has offended them. They will not deal with what happened, why they were upset by someone's words or actions. The main thing is that someone hurt them, whether it really was so or not. Therefore, no matter how you behave with them, no matter how hard you try not to offend, to correct yourself, to adapt, such neurotics with victim syndrome, be it women or men, will always find a reason to be offended in order to manipulate.
But, despite the individual characteristics of the human psyche, any man will be offended by the fact that one way or another calls into question his male pride, hurts his pride, and deals a blow to his self-esteem. This could be ridicule of his social status, position in society, achievements in the professional sphere or personal life. Any comparisons with other men will easily cause him serious offense. And it doesn’t matter that this could be said in order to provoke, push to achievements, to new achievements and the implementation of planned plans.
They do not look for double meaning in what they hear, so they will not understand such hints; it is better to say it directly, although this is also quite dangerous. They will not hear that another man has succeeded and should try, but they will hear that they are failures, not as successful, disruptive, businesslike and tenacious as the one they are talking about.
If you tell him directly that it’s time to take up career growth, he will understand this as doubts about his competence and masculine viability. Therefore, it is better to start the topic about his career, earnings and plans if you are ready to make a decision after his answer: accept him as he is, or leave him, since he does not suit you. After all, a person doesn’t do it because he doesn’t want to, and not because someone didn’t tell him that it’s time to come to his senses and do the right thing, in the opinion of someone else. And he has every right to do so.
Trying to convince him that he is living wrong will cause him anger, resentment and a feeling of humiliation. He could easily get tired of such control and criticism even as a child, and was clearly looking not for his parents, but for his beloved woman.
They don't like it when their words are questioned. They are offended by such neglect and attempts to belittle their status. Despite the changes that have occurred in society, men still want their word to be the last.
Men who are too vulnerable do not understand when women demand from them what they did not ask for out loud and, when they do not receive it, they are offended. They do not know how to read minds, and the fair sex often believes that they are obliged to immediately do what they want, they have hinted a hundred times. This attitude hurts some representatives of the stronger sex, since unfair claims become a signal to them that they are not interesting in themselves, but only as those who can do something.
They are offended by ingratitude and unwillingness to notice the little things they do for the family. Even though these are their responsibilities, everyone wants to hear words of gratitude, to feel that they are appreciated and noticed how hard they are trying for the sake of the relationship.
Why do men get offended by women?
- The reasons why men are offended depend on their age, character and the environment in which they grew up.
- Men who have high self-esteem will not accept rudeness or indecent jokes addressed to them. They are too focused on maintaining their status and may consider attempts to make fun of themselves as an attempt to humiliate them.
- They don't like it when their ability to be faithful is questioned. Distrust of them on the part of his beloved is a signal that he is not as good as he is accustomed to believe, and few people will like this, especially when he does not agree with it.
- Criticism with or without reason, attempts to prove one’s rightness by turning to personalities greatly irritate representatives of the stronger sex. Because they find themselves in the position of a defensive person who has allowed others to criticize him as if he were weak and helpless.
- They will also be offended by attempts to make decisions and carry out important matters without consulting them. Everyone needs help, but when they ask for it or at least know it, and not as if he himself is not capable of resolving the issue or means so little in the life of his beloved or family that the woman considers it possible to make a decision without consulting him.
- He finds it unpleasant when his parents or relatives are discussed in a negative way. This hurts and offends. After all, he is an integral part of his family, and he has no other, which means he is not only offended that he could not protect his loved ones from hurtful words, but he himself turned out to be so bad, since he has such a family. It is because of disagreements between daughter-in-law and mother-in-law that so many families break up. It is unacceptable to criticize the family, because for many it is the same as criticizing themselves.
- They don’t like him, and when his woman openly despises or expresses dissatisfaction with what he is interested in, does in his free time. This is a reflection of his inner world, and since she does not accept this, then she does not accept his inner world and desires. And then it becomes unclear why she lives next to a person, a part of whom she does not like so much. He begins to doubt himself and her. If he loves her very much, he is able to give up what irritates her so much, but at the same time he will cease to be himself. And often women themselves then complain that he turned into some kind of Oblomov, preferring to constantly lie on the sofa, forgetting that he became like this because of her, for the sake of love and not wanting to feel inferior because of his hobbies.
- They are not happy when their loved ones talk about what is happening to them, criticize them both behind their backs and in the presence of others, complain and seek support. This is unpleasant and irritating. Few people like it when everyone knows everything and at the same time you have to justify that you are actually not such a terrible person. And even if a man has normal self-esteem and does not consider it necessary to justify himself to anyone, such behavior still humiliates him, because his beloved has decided that they are definitely not able to resolve the misunderstandings that have arisen without outside advice.
- Betrayal on the part of a loved one not only offends, it deals a crushing blow to his self-confidence, in what he does, in his masculine viability. The only thing worse for a man, and even for a woman, is the death of a loved one.
If you want to maintain a family in which everyone will be comfortable, remember that men are just as vulnerable as women. They, too, are hurt and offended, unpleasant and difficult when they are not understood. And it is much more difficult for them to cope with this than for the fair sex, since it is not customary for them to complain and sort things out. Unpleasant words, memories, unfair reproaches do not disappear anywhere, remaining inside, unlived and unspoken. They continue to influence his well-being, health and behavior, poisoning his life. Therefore, it is important for women to be more attentive to their loved ones in order to teach them to express their existing complaints, and not accumulate inside, and once again monitor what they say, so as not to give them a reason to accumulate this negativity, pretending that everything is fine with them .
First Doctor
Let's start with the fact that there are no purely ideal moments in relationships, misunderstandings happen in every family, but the point is in the development and consequences of quarrels. Most often, these are insults. Many people of the fair sex asked themselves the question: why does a man insult and humiliate a woman? Let's figure out why the man insulted and humiliated.
Reasons why men humiliate women:
Subconscious response. For men who insult and humiliate beautiful ladies, a defensive reaction begins in the subconscious when they begin to yell at them and pour out all the negativity; They want to intimidate and be right in everything. He will not deviate from his opinion, so he insults and humiliates the female half in order to prove his position; He has a mistress and does not have the courage to break up with you; An example from childhood. The person who humiliates grew up in such an environment and saw tyrant behavior in his father, grandfather or the person who raised him. It’s even worse if they run around him.
We will step by step delve into the essence of the issue. Why a man humiliates and insults a woman - the psychology is as follows:
A man humiliates, using this as a way of control and power. The goal is to destroy and change the personal opinion of your partner. Having become an authority for her, he believes that he can perfectly control and manipulate her; A man humiliates and insults girls - this is the psychology of a weak, insecure man who wants to raise his self-esteem and show himself; This is convenient for him. The man sees that there is no resistance from the girl, she does not touch him, and continues to offend him with 100% confidence that he is doing everything right, since the lady is silent. They can offend, humiliate and insult any woman anywhere: in transport, on vacation, at work , but why do men like to humiliate their beloved girlfriend or wife at home, let’s try to find the answer. After all, this is very scary, especially since children can see everything!
The woman independently chose the role of the victim. Perhaps unconsciously, because I saw such an example of my mother’s behavior. The second option, when a lady is deeply in love with her prince, does not see his shortcomings, and is sure that he is right in such behavior, and she is to blame and provoked him; They are used to living and behaving this way! Both! A woman obeys in everything, cooks, washes, takes care of him, he gets used to it. If the other half missed what he was used to (for example, he did not serve food on time), there will be a quarrel, and the man begins to insult. And the wife silently endures and endures; The male sex wants to prove his status. If this doesn’t work out at work among colleagues, among friends, where does the man humiliate his significant other? At home. Although there, he feels at his best, using this method, maybe he lacks her attention; All the dissatisfaction and negativity that has accumulated throughout the day needs to be thrown out. Why does the male sex like to humiliate their wives, and not those who got them? Because a woman will listen and endure and will not go anywhere (in his opinion), but in a job, for example, they can be fired or demoted. And he is looking for any reason to offend his wife in order to free himself from all the bad results of the day; Competition. The husband sees that his wife is strong in character, achieves more than him, his self-esteem drops, and he begins to humiliate her; Fear that his wife will begin to destroy his personal space (before marriage, he walked with friends, relaxed, did what he loved, but now there are obligations), and he begins to humiliate his beloved half so that his space is not disturbed; Education. Look at your boyfriend's or husband's parents. If his father is a tyrant and loves to constantly humiliate his mother, then the son’s behavior will most likely be similar, since his father raised him this way and set an example; Wife’s behavior. If you constantly nag your spouse, expressing your dissatisfaction with any reason in an angry tone, his patience will also burst, and he will respond in kind.
There are many reasons, but this does not give the right to humiliate and insult. It is always necessary to find a compromise, but the outcome of the event as humiliation and violence is extremely unacceptable. We can sum up why men try to humiliate a woman: this upbringing has been inherited, the weakness of men who want to raise self-esteem, the desire to gain and control the female sex using this method, a response to women’s hysterics and constant dissatisfaction, or the other half makes himself a victim, as well as the desire to show oneself at one's best in front of another person.
Most often, these are aggressors who believe that they are always right. The girl, in order not to become a victim, must fight back. Any conflict situation must be adequate and not go beyond what is permitted, especially to the point of violence. We need to control ourselves, work on the relationship on both sides. And realizing your mistakes is the first stage of mutual understanding.
Women throughout human history have fought for their rights. They were always proving something to someone, asserting themselves, declaring themselves, speaking out about the infringement of their rights. And here we should put an end to it. Wait, why would anyone? They proved this to men - precisely those who infringed on these rights. Yes, time has passed, now men and women are completely equal, the latter are in no way limited in their rights. But still, men often try to offend the weaker sex, touching primarily on gender. “Who should wash the dishes? I? Yes, I’m a man!”, “Take off these sneakers, you’re a woman!” And then there’s this, the worst thing: “Well, you’re a BABA.” What is this? Why do men humiliate women? Let's try to figure it out in this article.
Psychologists say that children always repeat the fate of their parents. And all why? From the point of view of this science, this phenomenon is explained quite simply. The father of psychoanalysis, Sigmund Freud, said that all problems come from childhood, because the child, being a being who does not know how to separate what is necessary for himself from what is unnecessary, accepts what he sees. Who does he see most often? Of course, parents. Moreover, for the little man, they are the only authority. Therefore, no matter what actions they perform, the child at a subconscious level will consider them the only correct ones, and when a similar situation occurs in adult life, at the level of worldview the person will act in the same way as his parents once did in it. This also applies to family relationships. “Why do men humiliate women?” - many people ask. Perhaps their fathers treated their wives poorly.
The boy Petya constantly heard his father insulting his mother when she did something wrong. She didn’t have time to cook borscht before her husband arrived - she’s lazy, she stayed late at work - she’s unfaithful, she bought herself a new dress - she’s selfish, and so on. Peter grew up, got married, got a job where he conducted sociological research. At the last meeting, he was given the task of preparing a study “Why men humiliate women.” He decided to become the first test subject and wrote down on the form: “I think that humiliating a woman is terrible, but if she does stupid things or strange things, I don’t think it’s bad to insult her.” Thus, we can conclude that insults for Peter are a completely normal and natural thing precisely because his entire childhood was built on this. He doesn’t even consider this act humiliating. This is the norm, part of life.
In order to better understand, it is worth delving into history. Who were the first rulers? Were there women among them? Rurik, Oleg, Igor. Next is Olga. Her reign was completely random, strange, unjustified, with only one goal - retribution. It is worth noting that after Olga, Elena Glinskaya managed to reach state power, but again after 6 centuries and only in the person of the regent under Ivan the Fourth. Then palace coups, again just accidents. The rest of the time, only men ruled the state. What about the veche? Remember, only representatives of the stronger sex could be present there. This natural desire of men to be always ahead, to be in charge is transmitted to them by blood. Therefore, when men realize that they didn’t take something from life, missed something, didn’t achieve something, their self-esteem immediately drops. But you can’t just admit it, you need to try to prove the opposite to the weaker (in this case they are women). And how to do it? Of course, try to show your superiority by humiliating and insulting a woman. After all, not all male representatives know how to feel this line. This criterion should answer the question of why men humiliate women.
Married couple. The husband always earned more than his wife and provided for the whole family, but suddenly the unexpected happened - he lost his job. The wife was not taken aback, she remembered that she was good at baking cakes, took out a loan and opened her own business. In just six months, her business went uphill, a client base appeared, the loan was repaid, but her husband was dissatisfied. Why? It would seem that you have everything, live and be happy. But no, he writes negative reviews to her website, orders cakes for which he does not pay, scolds her for spending a lot of time at work, not realizing that his wife is the only one who earns money in the family. You can understand a man, he just cannot admit on a psychological level that his wife is ahead of him. But in this case, when it simply could not have happened otherwise, why does the man humiliate the woman? Psychology of consciousness of any person. The answer is simple.
As they say, great love can also give rise to certain troubles. And the Platonic Lady cannot always bring only happiness. But rather, this criterion can be attributed to jealous men. Why does a man humiliate and insult a woman? It is possible that he loves her very much and is afraid of losing her. We all know how sensitive human nature is to the evaluation of other people. Therefore, when a man periodically tells his beloved that she is fat, ugly, worthless, she begins to believe it and consider herself as such, no matter how beautiful she is. And indeed, women whose men humiliated them in this way almost never left them. Therefore, this point of view is completely justified.
In psychology, this example refers to the Theory of Social Consciousness. American psychologists conducted an interesting experiment, during which every person in the room saw the same monitor screen (there were 50 people). The screen was black. Forty-nine out of fifty people were told that the screen was black, but asked that the audience tell them otherwise. So, when all 49 people said that the screen was white, the last one did not doubt it for a second, although he observed the opposite with his own eyes. This example can be easily transferred to gender psychology and understand why a man humiliates and insults a woman (psychology).
Very often, women themselves become the culprits of such behavior among men. After all, both one and other representatives of the sexes can be different. For example, girls may begin to unjustifiably insult their other halves, constantly suspect cheating, checking social networks, asking friends and mutual acquaintances, resorting to harassment. No man would like that. And not only for a man, but for any person. After all, despite the relationship, there should always be some kind of personal space that cannot be violated. It turns out that in this case the ladies themselves run into conflicts and swearing, and then also wonder why men try to humiliate a woman. How can you not respond in kind? After all, in almost all areas there is a golden rule of morality, which states that the attitude towards others should be the same as the desired one towards oneself. And it does not lose its importance when communicating and in relation to your boyfriend.
I would like to note that many people wonder why a man tries to humiliate a woman, but have all of those who have ever asked this question thought of finding the reason in themselves? It seems like only a few. Yes, it happens that men simply insult their women, but the latter are not always “God’s dandelions.” The main thing is to look for the optimal balance and build relationships on full understanding, trust and dialogue, when you can always discuss something together, and if something doesn’t suit you, find a common way out. Perhaps then fewer girls will need this article.
Beauty and HealthLove and Relationships
How many articles are devoted to real representatives of the stronger sex, but besides them, there are also those who, although they belong to the male sex, do not behave like men. They allow themselves to be rude, insult and offend women. There is no excuse for this, since they are stronger, but you can fight this phenomenon only by understanding what is the reason that forces them to behave so poorly. So why do men humiliate women? Now let's figure it out.
The reasons for any actions and deeds are always hidden in the depths of a person’s subconscious, and often he does not realize them until a moment comes that forces him to think about why life is not the way he would like, and people around him react negatively to him. At this moment there is a chance to change for the better. Unfortunately, recognizing the very fact that a person is doing something wrong is a great success. Subconscious processes are well hidden from people, and the eternal rush, which does not allow you to stop for a minute to think whether you are going the right way, generally deprives you of any chance of learning something very important about yourself.
You can understand and realize the hidden motives of behavior and actions with the help of introspection, psychologists or other people who are able to say from the outside in a calm manner that a person is behaving selfishly and causing pain to others. The only problem is that such people, especially males, do not want to hear what they are told, much less go to a psychologist (they are not sick) or engage in self-analysis (waste time on incomprehensible nonsense), they deeply believe that they are doing everything right, and it is the ones they offend, react incorrectly, or are to blame.
Changing the situation by forcing them to think about their behavior at least for a minute is possible only through peaceful means. In moments of calm, simply voice that you, as his beloved woman, are hurt by his words and actions. It is important to say all this calmly, choosing words that accurately reflect your feelings and hint to him at the possible reason for his behavior, so that he understands what is worth paying attention to in order to make sure that you are right or his own. Here, as they say, whatever happens.
Attempts to convey your disappointment to him with the help of screams, in a state of rage, when you want to tear and throw from resentment and pain, will be in vain. When people are shouted at, justifiably or not, their defense mechanism is activated, or they stop altogether perceiving what is being said to them, since they subconsciously understand that negativity will be poured out on them, which will cause harm, or they will enter into an altercation in order to silence the other person. and intimidate, because they become scared at this moment themselves.
All these processes are subconscious, and therefore are not realized by people, they happen instantly, but knowing about them in advance, there is a chance to avoid new quarrels, because they definitely will not be able to solve the problem. But in order to tell everything in a calm atmosphere, when the right moment comes, hinting at what is happening to the man himself, because it is not easy for him to behave this way, you need to know what reasons most often force men to humiliate women, what provoked them and how you can deal with them cope with.
Psychologists agree that only weak men behave this way, insecure, unloved in childhood, accustomed to a similar model of behavior, this is how their father behaved or the men who replaced him in childhood, if the boy grew up alone. People who love themselves know how to feel the pain of others, even if they are strong men who are accustomed not to express their emotions and pity too often. They have no need to increase their own self-esteem at the expense of others. If suddenly it has decreased a little, but they still have self-love, they will find another way to increase it, without offending anyone, especially women. By insulting and humiliating another person, you, first of all, lower yourself. Decent, self-respecting people will never allow themselves to behave like this.
To offend and humiliate... A similar path to solving internal problems is chosen by weak representatives of the stronger sex, who are even too lazy to think about the problems that await them if they continue to behave like tyrants in the future. For some reason, living in a society where such an attitude towards the obviously weak is not encouraged, but, on the contrary, is condemned, sometimes quietly, but condemnation is always present, such men do not bother to think about why they allow themselves such behavior and really Are they sure that this will continue forever and will not threaten them with anything?
They may believe that they are not doing anything wrong, only because they are afraid to admit that they are still bad people, they are too lazy to take care of themselves, because this is also a kind of recognition of their shortcomings. This behavior is cultivated for a reason; it is based on the fact that women who are humiliated by such men are accustomed to behaving like victims. They do not accept their behavior, so as not to worry about it, and they do not rebuff them, either verbally or forcefully, at least in the form of parting with them and erasing them from their lives.
The reluctance to voice justified complaints and grievances that arose due to his behavior in a calm environment is due to the fact that then he will have to make a decision: to stay and not pay any more attention, since she loves him so much, or to leave. And it’s scary to do this, because the status of a victim gives her a lot of advantages, especially since her mother behaved the same way, and this model of behavior is absolutely familiar. Who wants to admit that she is also to blame for the fact that she is constantly offended, and she continues to endure it, without even trying to think, maybe there is something wrong with her too.
This behavior of women allows men to further humiliate them, as they feel their impunity.
But it is not always only women who are to blame; after all, they do not specifically provoke such behavior towards themselves, and only then react as best they can, leave or suffer from too much patience and fear of losing, even if such a bad, but still a man . Unfortunately, our society still continues to evaluate the value of a woman by the presence of a man next to her or his absence. It is also worth mentioning that a normal man will never humiliate a woman, no matter how she behaves and no matter how tolerant and kind she is to others. Those who behave rudely are those who themselves feel their own inferiority inside, which they try to get rid of by humiliating those who are obviously weaker than them. Without meeting any resistance, they stop seeing boundaries altogether and continue to violate them more and more sophisticatedly. Men allow themselves to behave this way because their status is not as high as they would like. And they try to rise up in order to feel on top at least against someone else’s background. And since it is much easier for them to show force and rudeness towards someone who depends on them, especially since it is easier than trying to achieve the status they need, they try with all their might. They are afraid to struggle with difficulties, compete and compete with other representatives of the stronger sex, because they are not confident in themselves and their success, but since the ambitions against this background are generally enormous, they need to throw out the accumulated dissatisfaction with themselves and those around them. And a woman looking at him with loving eyes and expressing complete submission... What could be better for his anger?! No one will rebuff him, will not object, will not say that it’s time for you, dear, to take care of your own self-esteem, so as not to remain lonely, since any women will run away from you, tired of enduring humiliation. So they humiliate women when their subconscious discontent begins to eat away at the soul, and this happens often, but the disease - low self-esteem - remains uncured. Because of this, some experience the fear of losing their loved one, and to prevent this from happening, instead of getting rid of fear, which is again done by increasing their own self-esteem and self-love, they begin to humiliate, offend and criticize the woman. In other words, destroy her self-esteem to such an extent that she herself believes that no one else will need such an incorrect one. Only this happens all the time, since his fear does not disappear anywhere, and he continues to try with all his might, turning a woman into a downtrodden and insecure creature, completely dependent on him. 
Photo: why men humiliate and insult women
Those who respect themselves and do not want to tolerate such treatment should remember that there are no excuses for men allowing themselves to humiliate and insult women. They do this because of their promiscuity and unwillingness to respect others, no matter how much they are asked not to do this, and no matter how society tries to raise worthy men.
Tags: why men humiliate women, why men insult women